Husband has stage IV cancer

thanks to all who have replied back to me, it really helped me!! today we are fighting with fatigue and anemia. been to the dr. all day, more scans and blood work. they said my hubby is anemic and might need a transfusion. his stomach is so swollen and we dont know why. he is so cold and tired and weak, it just breaks my heart to see him like this. but i know in a few months when he is done with chemo, he will be so much better! i am trying to keep a positive attitude, but it sure is hard sometimes! i am going to try to forget about the numbers, thats all they are, just numbers! we are fighting this with all we have and will continue to do so. sure is nice to have other people out there who have experienced this to talk to. took me awhile to figure out how to reply, but i finally made it, lol.
again, thanks everybody!!
paula

My family is definitely in a similar situation only my husband is 71 but a very young 71. I am 61 and he has always looked and acted younger than he is; the dr. told us on Monday that one reason he has done so good is because he was in good shape when all of this started.
We do not even discuss percentages with the dr. at all....I feel that as long as we do not do that, there is hope and our faith is strong.
This is definitely the place for you to get support.
You can follow up on my posts by clicking on my name.
We will be going to a radiologist in the morning and we are taking one day at a time, enjoying life as much as we can. We are thankful for having our 27 years together and our family that is so very supportive.
Prayers will definitely be with you and your husband too.
Clara

Paula,
Dixie makes a good point: to take care of yourself during this time. If you could find a social worker or therapist (maybe connected to your husband's place of treatment) it would be a good thing to do.

Having a loved one fighting cancer is a huge stress, especially if this is the first time you've experienced it. That said, cancer has been dogging my family since i was a kid and it never gets easier to deal with when someone else gets diagnosed...

Take care,
Wendy

I had Stage 4 cancer and I am doing fine. My bladder cancer had spread into my uterus not my lymph nodes but it is still considered Stage 4. I had chemo pre-op before my neobladder and hysterectomy for four months. It shrunk my tumor in half which made it easier to remove. You have to stay strong for your husband and don't give up. If you search this forum there are people with lymph node spread and are doing fine,the chemo can work. Maybe you should try some one to one phsycotherapy to help you. I took therapy from a breast cancer survivor and she helped me get through the tough times. I hoped I helped you.
Dixie

Paula,
Having just gone through getting my bladder out ten weeks ago, I know how much my wife brought to me. She had to metamorphoses into a Rock in a short amount of time.
We all need our support team.

Remember when you read statistics there are two sides to them. If you are told that out every one hundred patients, 30 of them will survive. I always believe that I will be one of the 30. I suggest you spend little or no time on statistics and do what you are doing; educating yourself on the possible treatments and hearing from people on their experience with like situations.

I consider my wife and kids as my heroes. Without them, it would have been a greater challenge and struggle. Keep the faith - you are so valuable.
Rick

the love of my life for 28 years has stage 4 bladder cancer. he was diagnosed in april, took his bladder out in june, and it had spread to lymph nodes, so they put it at stage 4. he just finished his first cycle of chemo, gemzar and carboplatin, and isnt doing too well. he is so weak and fatigued, and then got a terrible case of the hiccups that has lasted for almost 2 weeks now..its so bad that he vomits with them, and has terrible spasms and cant breath! the docs dont know why he is hiccuping and giving him all sorts of meds to try, but they just make him more tired and weak. even hospitalized him for this! he has to sleep sitting up in a recliner to stop the spasms now. i am so afraid and worried about losing my husband, he has been my rock forever, now i am trying to be his rock. i have never had to deal with cancer, never thought i would have to. this has rocked our world, as you can imagine. i am just needing someone to talk to or listen to about this. we have supportive family and a couple of friends, others ran from us and i dont understand that at all, but i just want someone who is going thru similar thing to talk with. the dr. gives us 30% chance that he will make it, and i am just so worried. my husband says its just a number and he doesnt care if its zero, he is going to be just fine! i wish i had his attitude! i try to stay strong and up around him, and then i fall apart when he isnt around. i know i am not alone, but i feel so alone, lost, helpless and useless. i guess i just need to vent, and found this wonderful site, and here i am venting away. he has 5 more cycles of chemo to go, then hopefully will be cured? they tell us they will do ct scans, but not to get too optomistic, because a negative scan doesnt mean there is no cancer. well, how then do we know if there is cancer or not? that confuses us both! the cancer center we go to is wonderful, we are treated so well there, and that helps..some...i am just trying to picture the next few months, and cant imagine my husband feeling/getting worse than he is now, but i know its coming. but, we will fight this vile thing called cancer, and will beat it too!! i wont accept any other option!! my husband has such faith and a great attitude usually, and i am trying to keep the faith as well..its just so hard sometimes... sometimes, i just get so mad, not at any one person, just mad!! today was a very hard day for me, just cant quit crying!
would love to hear from anyone out there going thru the same thing...