Husband has stage IV cancer

Susan do yourself a favor and google "Chemobrain" and you will be surprised of what you come with how chemo really effects the patient and his or her thinking. I know I was there and my wife is an LPN and I said something one time and she answered me with another nurse at the hospital and I said I didn't say that but I must of because the second nurse that was there agreed with my wife I was dumb founded. So check it out it has a lot of info and insight the different links you will find. Joe

Hi all-
My hubby, John,(age 46), is at the end of his 1st cycle. He has Taxotere, along with the Gemzar and Cisplatin. He has all 3 of these for 2 weeks, then off a week. Since he has all 3 at once, (takes several hours) I don't know which one effects him more. The effects are delayed, usually not showing up for the 1st 24 hours. Then he just seems to fade out...
Is it normal for my husband to seem like someone I don't even know? I wasn't really aware of this side effect until I noticed it this last week. The first treatment week, he was so sick, that I didn't notice any personality change. This last week, he's not nearly as sick but just so out of touch. He's not himself at all. I don't know this man.... He says all food tastes like plastic. He doesn't like anything. He just says he doesn't feel good. He can't elaborate on that much at all. He seems so unhappy, yet I know he is trying to keep up a good attitude. Emom, you mentioned your husband doesn't know what to do to help you? Well, I don't know what to do to help my husband! What will help him? Nothing I do seems to help him. (love, supportive, making sure the right meds get taken, etc). I feel so helpless! Any ideas out there? I think all that talk of women being natural care givers goes right out the window when someone is going through cancer. At least it did for me. I'm hoping he will come back to a little more normal (less foggy) this week since he doesn't have any treatment. Thanks for letting me get all this out. Nobody, but those of us going this, or having gone through it, can possibly relate to what it is like! This site has already helped me so much just knowing I'm not alone. God bless you all.
Susan

As the person going thru the cancer and a woman...I will say that you wives have a tough job. Nothing against men at all...I love them!! But they are not naturals in care giving. My hubby is scared to death and very supportive and loving but just doesn't know what to do sometimes...and it's pretty rare that he has to go thru not knowing what to do...mostly after the cisplatin and gemzar combo because it is like going thru hell for few days. I am generally pretty upbeat except at those times and I just feel so sorry for him because he just doesn't know what to do. But then, neither do I! I turn into somebody I don't know very well. My rose colored glasses get a very grey tint to them and I just can't help it. But once the four or five days of hell go away, things are so much better and even I wonder who that person was!!!!

I have two more cycles to go and then we'll see what the immediate future holds for us. But, I'd just say....hang in there and love 'em and know that at times they might not be the person you married, but that person will come back. That...and have faith in that higher power whatever you call "IT". I think that faith and hope and love go hand in hand with cisplatin and gemzar. Without all of them together, you might as well just start digging!!!!! Love and prayers to you all!

jerry's girl,
So sorry to hear about all that you are going through.
I just wanted to offer a suggestion which you might all ready be doing....my husband, Bob was taking med. every two hours and I set up a schedule with the times down the sides along with the medicines typed in at each time, days across the top, boxes that he can check off when he takes the med.
We were still having a hard time keeping up with it so I set up all the times on the calendar on his cell phone and it goes off when it is time for his medication.
This has worked out well for us.
Hang in there and try to take good care of yourself too.
Prayers are lifted up from NC for you.
Clara

That's no way to have to spend your 2nd wedding anniversary but for now at least you still have each other and appears you guys are catching things in time. So it sounds good taking the 6 cycles of chemo and just because it spread to 5 of his lymphnodes that is not a death sentence keep up the positive attitude you seem to have and I know it must be tuff being the caregiver cause I know what my wife did for me she is a nurse and even though I was strong I would of been lost with out her. I think all in time you two will be just fine and end up beating this monster together. Good Luck To Both Of You, Joe

I just found this thread on here. It is amazing how many people seem to have the same story, the same one I'm living through right now. My husband (we just had our 2nd wedding anniversary) first showed symptoms in early May (blood in his urine). Within 2 days he was diagnosed with a tumor in his bladder. The doctor felt at that time it was found early enough that it'd be contained within the tumor and all would be well once the tumor was removed at the end of May. But, pathology showed that was not the case. So in mid July he had his bladder removed and a Neo-bladder created. The doctor felt optimistic following this surgery, too, but pathology was not to be kind this time either and indicated that it had spread to 5 of 27 lymph nodes removed. So, after being given 4 weeks post-op to let his body heal, he began a 6 cycle course of chemo. Each cycle consists of 3 weeks, week 1 is gemzar and cysplatin, week 2 is gemzar only, and week 3 is labwork only. We're at the end of the first cycle. He did not tolerate the cisplatin very well, but our oncologist is awesome and stayed right on top of things. The week of just gemzar didn't seem to affect him too badly. I will say that they gave him a Rx through the local compound pharmacy for phenergan that is mixed in cream form and applied to his wrist and rubbed in whenever the nausea is at its worst. That has been a lifesaver, and is apparently kind of a new thing...I'm just thankful for something that helps.
His spirits, for the most part, have been good. Mine, however, have been all over the map. One minute I feel fine and am convinced he'll be one of those 30 that beat it, and the next I'm scared worrying about how much time we have left together, and mainly seem to live somewhere in between. He's a high school teacher, and I am an interpreter for the deaf at the middle school. Thankfully we were off for the summer through most of this. But in my first 15 days back at work I've missed 4 1/2 already. None of our kids live close enough to help with the day to day things (they're 30, 27, 19) though they've been great keeping in touch daily. I just feel comletely worn out.
I think the worst right now, is that as the wife/caregiver I feel like I've been thrust into the role that borders on wife/nag-caregiver. Because of his neo-bladder he's been told to try going to the bathroom every 2-2 1/2 hours, and his oncology dietician wants him to eat something small every 2 hours, and there's the different meds he's taking, and the fact that once he can sleep he sleeps deep...so I've become the alarm clock for him. And trying to help him keep straight all of the things he's got to do, and take, etc. He's sweet about it most of the time, and I've only stepped into the reminder role at his request, yet there are times when he's not feeling good...and I'm the only one here to hear when he vents.
Wow, I never realized just how tough being the caregiver is. I lost my dad last summer to cancer, and now I wish I had been more in tune to my mom with what she went through. I know that I will forevermore be more supportive to anyone thrust into the caregiver role, not just supportive to the patient.
Good luck to everyone going through this. Please know there's someone in Texas who is keeping you all in prayer.