Wayne, I'm not a doctor, I don't play one on TV, and I'm not going to second-guess the professionals that you're seeing.
But I'd like you to read one of our member's story which might help you make your decision:
blcwebcafe.org/stories/dan.asp
And I'd also like to reassure you that having your bladder removed is--and this might shock you--not such a big deal. I was 49 when I had mine removed last year and haven't looked back. I'm in better shape than I was before the surgery, and any slight inconveniences involved with the neobladder are more than offset by the knowledge that my cancer was removed to the best of the doctor's ability and the chances of it coming back are much smaller than if I'd chosen another path.
The odds are, for your situation, Rosemary is correct. You're going to end up having it removed. That will take a while for you to wrap your head around--it certainly did me. But, a year later, I have a different perspective. Now that I've lived with a neobladder I can see that my fear and apprehension was overblown.
I'm going to PM you my cell phone. Please call me if I can answer any questions for you.
Best,
Zach