To much pressure

Dana,

As we mentioned on one of your other posts, your husband is WAYYYYYYYYY ahead of the curve in terms of recovery speed. If he expected to come out the exact same and be fully recovered and continent in a few weeks, then he was certainly wrong and one would have expected that (besides things said here) his doctor would have explained something about the time it takes.

In the meantime, do be sure to take care of yourself. Since he's already better than most in terms of recovery, then he can certainly be on his own at home while you go out and do other things and get a break. You need to take care of yourself. As has been said by others, let friends and family help out. Get some time for yourself and time with your friends/family doing something fun for you.

There are ups and downs with this. While depression is a common issue after such a traumatic surgery and after having cancer in general, both are behind him for now. Sometimes, things are going so fast when you first find out you have cancer that the reality of it all may not even hit until after surgery and some recovery. Yeah, it sucks having cancer and yeah it sucks after surgery but both are done (hopefully).

Do speak with his doctor about the depression. Could be that some temporary medication can help with that. Could be meds aren't needed and he just needs to understand how darn well he's doing and realize that he's gotten the cancer thing behind him.

Is he still on pain meds? That can really mess people up in the head.

All the best!
Mike

"he just wants to get up and go as if normal" Dana, if he is doing that well physically he is very lucky. If he can do all that, he would be ok to leave alone while you go shopping or whatever to relax. Sleep in different rooms a few nights to get some rest. There are people we have lost from this site, and others who have not came through this surgery nearly as well as your husband, who would love to have his problems at night. No one said this was going to be a cake walk for him. It takes time and a lot of patients, work, and pain. I have said it a hundred times " the caregiver has the toughest part of dealing with cancer". I have been through a number of cancers, but it scares me to death to think of being the caregiver. You can't do everything for him. Take some time to take care of yourself! It will be good for both of you.
Duke
P.S. Dana, I just went back and read some old posts, And like Sara Anne said depression can be a part of all this. It is probably a good idea to keep that in mind and not let it get out of control. As you both get more rest and the healing progresses i hope it will all improve. Hang in there.

ah yes the sleep deprivation...for both of you. Unless he has totally depended on you to do all the research he should know this is part of the training period. He doesn't have to like it but he has to go through it and work himself up to 3 hrs and then 4 hrs. Some never gain complete continence at night but figure out how to deal with it. If someone told him a neobladder is exactly like your old real bladder they misinformed him.
Maybe one of the guys can give him a pep talk...they've been through it...will he listen?
Meanwhile if you have family or friends nearby ask them to come visit HIM....you take off. My kids were a bit older and i made sure they came and got my husband while i was in recovery and took him to a movie...anything to keep him from worrying about me. I was fine..just getting used to the new plumbing. Females are so used to being the caregivers that even when we are sick or recovering we are still the caregivers.
I wish i was nearby ..i'd take you to lunch!!
pat

I came back from hospital 2 days ago after my husband had surgery for a neobladder. I stayed with him in hospital for 16 days 24 hours a day. I feel totally exhausted and stressed. It is so much to deal with. While in hospital he had his ups and downs but towards the last week his attitude was positive and he was determined to get over this and live as normally as he could.
After coming home things changed, he has become depressed and moody, he just wants to get up an go as if normal, he wears a pad during the day and goes every 2 hours to the toilet. He had some accidents during the night, and now wears a nappy at night.
This is something he can't accept and just gets more upset.
This has taken its toll on me and I don't know how long I can handle it, everything is on my shoulders, the children, work, the household. I just can't get any rest, any ideas about what I can do (for me and for him),