Attitude .

Cynthia
I have had lots of counsiling after my wife passed ,and several times since,have bottles and bottles of every kind of anti depressants known to man. Have tried all kinds of treatments and meds . I think basicaly when I lost her (we were in our 40's when we meet),and each knew in a matter of days we had finially found "the one" The light in my soul just turned off and I was left with a big hole . She was my strength as I was hers. I have never gotten over it ,but have managed to just go on. Again not depressed,I guess maybe just tired and really dont have much fight left or really even the desire to fight.

Sara Anne
Its not depression,honest Im not depressed. bad things happen to decent people all the time ,then you make somewhat informed choices. Of course I would rather not be in my situation,but I am so you accept it and decide what direction you feel is best for you. My days are almost identical kind of a daliy routine ,I dont have to drag myself thru the days ,I do my usual stuff and get on with it.What Im saying or trying to is the big treatment program may not be for everyone. Some may not have the emotional,physical, makeup, or even the desire to do it ,especialy when even the most promising outcome doesnt fill you with hope and joy. I guess I just cant get my feelings to come out in print so all can understand . Ive mentioned my feelings on treatments causuly to the Doc and he just go's into the Doc pep talk mode,of course doing his job and trying to paint a rosey face on it. But having real life experiance ,watching loved ones suffer thru treatments only to get a short respite,then more suffering ,etc,etc,has probably biased me . At this point in time it just doesnt seem what I really want to do. I will continue to ponder on it ...

Well I realy dont know how to describe my attitude,I dont have that burning desire lets fight this thing ,we will beat it ,rah,rah,rah, Nope sorry just aint there. First its ya got bladder cancer ,ok,then latter oh by the way we found some in your lungs.Now it s lets get a lung biopsy ,doesnt seem all that much fun to me .Then we will put you on chemo for that,again been there and watched how that works noy nice. Then after we get you beat down on chemo ,lets take a bunch of your parts out and plumb you for a bag,oh by the way its all pretty ruff surgery ,and could take months to get going again,barring complications,infections,etc,etc. And then if you make it thru all that,we gotta check every few months ,and who knows maybe more surgery's or more chemo. Seems ya gotta have a real desire to go thru all that and with no gaurentee's any of it will work, and a pretty dramtic lifestyle change .Plus the expense ,my INS is poor at best.I have been just getting by since I lost my wife a day at a time ,not a real happy life. Im honestly not depressed just in my mind going why go thru all that,when I wasnt that happy in the frist place.Seems like a lot to go thru to just have a blah life any way. I cant find any info on what happens if left untreated ,understand not fast or pretty. Im gonna talk to the Doc again and see if he will give some real answers on that,maybe just ride it out and hope for some good pain management . May not be a good post to leave up as I really dont want to have a negitive affect on the folks that are willing to give it the good fight .