emotional side of cancer ?

Tim i'm teasing...most of us females don't get to see that side. Even my sons wouldn't cry because they wanted to be strong for me. And i understand that...when my son had his surgery for testicular cancer when he was just 31 and i walked into the intensive care unit he was ever so softly crying...the tears just rolling down his face. It broke my heart. I stayed strong and told him i'd find the best care in the universe for him and when i walked out of there i completely broke down.
I know how you felt after the surgery...i think the first thing i said was "Did anybody get the license plate number?".........
Pat

It was quite distressing really and a particularly low point. And, yes, men do actually cry. My section of the ward was small with only four beds so it's probably not as you imagine.

Tim

WEll now i really would have liked to have been there and seen that...an entire ward of men crying!!......I had Nurse Ratchett.....she yelled at me and said "You really have to get ahold of your pain".........huh?.......I didn't know that was my job. She told me she had really sick people to take care of.....I asked her how many she was dealing with and she said 6...so i told her "Now you have 5...Goodbye"........
God Bless my poor departed Mother....she was a nurse in the old days when there were no aides to do the bed pans or clean the bathrooms..........This nurse wouldn't have stood a chance back then!!!
Pat

Being armed with knowledge and actually facing the surgery seemed worlds apart when I went for my cystectomy! With hindisght it was tremendously helpful to talk with Mike and others on this site but when I went into hospital I found it a lonely experience. Can't imagine what it would have been like without this site and these people here. I found it an effort sometimes to communicate with visitors and even asked a few if they wouldn't mind leaving as I really couldn't deal with them (re: bolters I sometimes wanted the best of both worlds to be fair). In fact I rang my partner once and asked her not to come in. She totally ignored me and came in anyway thank god! I remember on about day 4 after the surgery a nurse trying to make me feel better. which of course just made me burst into tears. which set the whole ward off. But it was a mens ward so I think we all needed someone to get the ball rolling! I like to think we all felt better afterwards.

Tim

I wish i would have had a support group when i was going thru this..i called the local Uro society and they were all men with bags...no women. And truthfully i was so busy doing research non-stop and making friends on this site that the only emotion i felt initially was fright and being overwhelmed. I found myself crying when i thought about my kids who are grown and how sad they would be and how much i would miss them as if i would know that!!! But eventually after having met some of the best doctors in the field I became more confident that I could handle whatever was coming my way....ok so i postponed surgery 3 times!!! Just because i was armed with knowledge didn't mean i wasn't scared out of my wits.
Thats ok about my English friend because now her husband who is now back in England is one of my biggest supporters. So you never know how that is going to work out....Just don't get in the middle of a divorce.......someone is going to hate you for your support. I guess thats like a cancer too!!!
Pat

Hey Claire

Yes, I think it's something you have to stick at, the counselling. For me it was just one part of a raft of things I was doing. And I think that's a good point you raise. There are bolters who do have a reasonable reason. And as I said above the carer/relative role isn't always very straightforward. One of my bolters just said to me "sorry i haven't been in touch, I'm just not very good at that sort of thing", which struck me as rather feeble and lazy. At least lie to me or something! And I thought to myself that I only hope he has stronger people around him if he's ever in this situation. Other people just have incredibly busy lives, young children etc and it's hard for them to fit in.  I try to be understanding but I will have a word if I think a close friend could have done better.

Best wishes

Tim