Caregivers,,,,where are you???

Some days we just want to have some one listen not tell us what we need to do. We know well enough what we have to do. For just a little while we need to have a place to share what is really going on and not have advice. Advice is different than support. Support is listening and not judging. When I was in training to be a therapist my advisors told us "unsolicited advice is never welcome."

Bitter must be going around with the caregivers,, when you carry the emotional load for 2 its a heavy job!!! Who cares, we go on anyway,,RIGHT!!!somedays it really drags one down,,so get up and do it all over again...Ginger

Pat,

you crack me up...LOL...

Now for a little glimpse to my mind....

I find it very hard to think about, or want to do housework or very much of anything since my husband is just lying in the other room dying...Just doesn't seem that important...I have a girl come in once a week to clean the kitchen and bathrooms, mop the floors, and do a general clean-up...it is really cheap here in NC...under $10 an hr. She is here for 2- 2 1/2 hrs, and I just make pizza on Friday instead of ordering it...Maybe this is an option Julie & Clara?...I would take a cleaning girl over take-out anytime...

It is one thing to be a caregiver, another to be a caregiver, mother, spouse watching the person you love dying...No one could possible know unless they lost or are actively losing their spouse...I don't care how much they think they can...This is so much deeper than facing the possibility that someone you love MAY die...This is reality THEY ARE DYING...to watch your beautiful, strong, amazing husband shrink away before your eyes, to know that in the near future you are going to roll over in bed and they ARE NOT going to be there...Not maybe they won't be there...THEY ARE NOT GOING TO BE THERE!!! I want to SCREAM...

I wish I could go back and just worry about laundry and yard work...but my mind is consumed with larger issues...

Sorry if this sounds bitter...but today I am...just a little glimpse of what I and other loving wives/caregivers/future widows go through...

Karen

HEY..you're right..i'm my own caregiver..now i can belong here!! I can tell you it sucks. I'm like Shirley Valentine..most of my conversations are with one wall or the other. And i have to carry the dialogue for the wall! I'm still living in the 4 bedroom house with 3/4 of an acre and landscaping all around the house which i maintain...Housecleaning..whats that? I long ago decided that wasn't on my list of priorities...i'm going to be on my deathbed saying "I wish my house was cleaner"? No joy from cooking now either...no fun to cook for one and who can afford groceries anyway? Oh yeah thats the other thing my income is now 2/3 less than it was 2 years ago. Obviously i haven't figured out the single living arrangement yet. All the guys my age are looking for 30 yr olds....and they should get what they deserve (read what you will into that one) besides since they took all my hormones and my vagina what use am i anyway? And i'm not looking...i had the best. But really my diet of Starbucks Mocha, Hot Fudge Sundaes, and Pizza has got to stop.
Thanks for letting me in your group!! Pat

Julie and Clara,

Julie, I wish I could get housework out of Gene, he can do it, but never did, so I have a big problem. I am glad Dick is better, remember he was having a hard time a couple weeks ago,,sleeping weird times, lathorgic..I hope he's more attentive,,and feeling better.
Clara,
The older I get the less appealing housework is. We are looking at condo's, but I will have a hard time leaving our home of 30 years to give Gene a break on the outdoor work...we have 3/4 of an acre, lots of perennials, my favorite. I guess the one thing that b/c makes you aware of is your age, and should I really be living in a big 4 bedroom home with lots of yard work,,hummmmmmm! In case I would be doing it myself...
Last year I promised myself I would get Gene to the Grand Canyon, so this October I will, along with family...my c-dif compromised our March trip so this is PLAN B,,,
Have a better day everyday girls,,we have our work cut out for us!!!
lOVINGLY,
Ginger

I am here too, maybe I have just been posting in the wrong place.

Julie, I have trouble getting motivated for all this housework too. By the time you give med., fix breakfast, shower, help with dressing, the day is half gone. I am just so thankful I can be here though.

Every day is a true blessing.

A member of our church (92 yrs. old) just brought by peaches off of his trees and that just made my day to see him. His wife passed unexpectedly last year and they were such a delightful couple.

Ginger, Thanks for getting us back to the right place.

Clara