Extremely frustrated and hurt

Rocky, Part of the problem is he has a well established habit of staying up and falling asleep in his chair. And now I'm telling him he has to change a habit. He used to be able to function on a limited amount of sleep now he can't. He has been responsible for his medications and had a routine established which is now totally messed up.

Thursday I thought he had gotten more sleep as he had a long nap on Wednesday and about 5 hours at night. But he still couldn't function it looked like he was falling into mini sleeps. I decided not to stress myself about him getting all his meds taken before we left for the hospital. This was his last radiation session and we met with the Doctor. I explained about his behavior and they wrote it off to the pain medication. We brought all his meds with us and he was taking them while we waited to talk to the Dr.

I guess that he really cannot take responsibility when he is so impaired. I sat with him for an hour last night coaching him to take one set of pills. I would get him to agree to take them and then nothing. He is spending the day in bed today. I expect he will be up all night again.

The dilemma of being a caregiver is deciding how much someone is capable of doing. I made an error Monday and Tuesday in my judgement of his ability plus I was short of sleep myself.
i have to practice relaxation techniques when I get so tense. Julie

Julie - I am so sorry to read your posts regarding Dick. I think you have received some good feedback and I really can't offer any other suggestions. I just wanted to let you know I will keep your situation in prayer and hope that you are able to discuss these issues with Dick's doctor and get some relief from your stress soon. I can truly relate to the stress of being the caregiver. I seem to be the "worrier" whereas Harry seems to shake off his stress...I loose sleep as he sleeps soundly! Love and prayers,
Margot

Hi Julie, Is your husband afraid to go to sleep? I don't know how sick he is but maybe he is afraid of not waking up, have you asked him why he likes to stay up?
My husband during chemo slepted all day and then complained of not being able to sleep at night, duh, as all new Moms know babies got his nights and days mixed up !So I had to make him stay awake more in the day, (talk, talk, talk)
I also started making him more responsable for his meds. Just the easy ones like the pain ones. He didn't seem to forget those.
I pray that you can get the rest and strength you need, it is such a trying time for you. love to you from Rocky

Hi Julie,

As a licensed counselor, I can tell you that people are always the hardest on the ones that they are closest too. It makes it a lot worse for the people that are trying to be excellent caregivers. Unfortunately, it is the ones that do the most that get the most garbage from it. I absolutely agree with the others about an anti depressant. Has your husband seen a counselor at all? I know that some men especially can be very resistent but I am sure that he is dealing with a lot of emotions. I always try to think of how hard it is for me (as a daughter) and then multiply that to imagine what he is feeling. It doesn't make it okay for him to treat you that way but sometimes we also have to choose our battles. As for him not taking his meds, I can imagine how frustrated you are with that. He needs to want to help himself as well and you definitely do not need any extra stress. Please take care of yourself and I will keep you in my prayers....I hope this turns around for you.

xoxo
Melissa

Cynthia, i would say he probably is depressed. He almost seems apathetic about everything. Irritable and cranky I understand. Doing nothing drives me up the wall. I'm the one on an anti-depressant.

Karen you are right this is juvenile behavior and it has to stop. I want him to make getting to appointments on time his problem not mine.
If I do say so myself he has an excellent caregiver that he is taking advantage of. I won't permit it anymore.

Julie

Julie,

I am so sorry that you are having a rough week...It does happen, especially when you have been running on full power as you have...I suggest sleeping during the day when he does until you get your energy up. You cannot afford for your heath to fail YOU at this point...You can't help him if you don't take care of yourself...See if his meds can be adjusted to fit YOUR schedule better...If he wants to stay up all night fine...but at least he will have the meds and you can sleep...Men are stubborn little boys...as long as you do EVERYTHING they will expect you to do EVERYTHING...Have a talk with the Dr about the situation and ask for suggestions...This is a tough road we are on an unfortunately emotional and physical exhaustion are part of this...I wish I could be more possitive, but it is what it is...We just have to tap all available resources.

I am here for you,
Karen