Just \"diagnosed\" yesterday - 37 and very scared

Thanks. I will try and make the chat session you mentioned...if not tomorrow, then perhaps the next one.

I had my mom come down to see us yesterday and today (she lives one state over) and she was very supportive. Both she and my wife are being really strong and both have expressed their feelings that, if my doctors aren't at all worried, then that should help to allay my fears (of course, wife and mom also said they're not worried.)

My primary doctor prescribed something for me to try and ease my anxiety, so I've taken that a couple of times already but I'm trying not to use it if I don't have to. Regardless, I still had a rough day again today and had a couple of real breakdowns. I then have moments where I feel like things will be ok. I just want to try and believe that I will be able to see my daughter grow up, walk her down the isle, see her have kids, grow old w/ my wife, play checkers at the senior center together, etc. you get it...I know I probably sound overly dramatic here.

The thing I keep coming back to is...should I be upset that my doctor immediately said I had a "small bladder cancer" and viewing a small polyp from the scope, instead of just telling me that he saw a suspicious polyp that we'll remove, check and, if it does have abnormal cells, we'll then treat that accordingly...I know that's probably pretty much what he meant and he did say a ton of times that I'll be fine and he is not worried about it in the least...I dunno...just trying to rationalize all of this.

I think my biggest fear (aside of the waiting, etc.) is having already been told this is nothing to worry about but then having it removed and getting the pathology back saying it is some super advanced stage, high grade, radical thing. I know that is probably impossible given the clear CTs (and my doctors said that too) but that is where the majority of my anxiety is coming from at this point...or so I think.

I think that will be something good for me to address with the therapist I will be seeing next week.

just trying to deal and get through this maddening wait period.

Thanks once again to all who are replying and helping me. It is helping.

JD
Welcome to our site. We have all been exactly where you are now. I said I felt "Shell Shocked" and out of sorts for a short period of time.
This site was the best thing I could have found and I think you will agree after the dust settles.
You are not even sure you have bladder cancer. Take a deep breath and know you can certainly purchase "green" bananas
Once you have a diagnoses then you can move forward.
As you read our posts, you will see how life goes on as before we had bladder cancer.
As Mike said, even if you do have bladder cancer (which you won't know until a biopsy is taken in a few weeks)
it can be a wait and see to some treatment. Your Uro was right in saying he was happy, whatever this is, was found early.
You are in good hands, relax the next few weeks, and feel free to ask anything.

Nancy

Thanks again to everyone who has been so gracious and caring w/ replies and words of experience and encouragement for me. I only hope that I can get past this and then be in a position to return the favor for others who, at that point, may be struggling with the fears and questions that I am right now.

I know someone mentioned research as a way to stay informed, and I have done quite a bit of that before and after my visit to the Urologist a couple of days ago. Unfortunately, I also know that the Internet is a vast (and often dangerous) place to go and seek credible knowledge, as one often does not know from where it may be originating. That said, while this forum has most certainly been a great help to me thus far, I did make the mistake of "googling" other things and stumbling across various "survival" statistics, etc. that (although I realize are skewed and a product of many variables) didn't make me feel too comfortable.

Anyway, I know I sound like a broken record and my posts/replies at this point likely sound much the same, I am sincerely trying to absorb [and apply] the suggestions and advice from those of you who have responded thus far and employ those as catalysts for positive thinking.

I also keep trying to replay my doctors' reassurances that they have no doubts that I will be fine...also the fact that my Urologist scheduled this as a routine procedure rather than a stat one, as he firmly believes that this is not threatening. Those are all good things (including the clear CT results) that I am trying to keep focus on.

I think one of the other scary things about this is the fact that, had I not gone in w/ the Prostatitis symptoms, I probably wouldn't have had a reason to go in at all until my next physical (or even after) and therefore may not have even discovered this "polyp" until much later in the future. Guess I can thank my Prostate for looking out for me... [insert pseudo-sardonic chuckle.]

I know nobody asks for anything to happen to them (especially something that has the potential to threaten precious life) and, although it may not be all to apparent from my postings thus far, I am making a concerted effort (as best I can at this point) to focus on the positives about all of this.

By the way, that Cystoscopy was certainly not a walk in the park, but I guess it wasn't as horrific as I'd anticipated. Of course, I'm certainly not looking forward to having them routinely for the next couple of years, but if that is truly all I end up needing I'll most certainly take it.

Hi JD,

You are not alone in being scared at this stage of your treatment. The fear of the unknown can be traumatic but you have come to the right place for comfort and first hand knowledge. This community of survivors is so diverse that you will always find someone who has been there and done that willing to share their experience with you on your journey. Please continue to fuel your brain with knowledge and if a question arises jot it down so you'll be able to ensure you won't forget it with the precious time you'll have with your health care provider. Most people sit and listen but don't hear what a doctor is saying until it's well after they've left the doctor's office. Go with a list of questions.

I was 70 when diagnosed with bladder cancer in January and my greatest fear was what and how to tell my family the news. I have had my TURBT done and have gone through five BCG treatments thus far and am fortunate to have had some minor but not real bad side effects. That's another thing each case and each person's body is different as to how it reacts to treatment so do not get discouraged by all the stories you read as some of them, especially the worst case ones may not apply to you. Exercise and stay fit physically and mentally and you'll do fine.

I will keep you and your young family in my thoughts and prayers and prayers JD.

Regards,

Ray

JD Fear of the unknown is a very normal human response. Lets face it- medicine and cancers are huge unknowns for most of us. At this time you have lots of unanswered questions that will be better answered as tests and treatments are undertaken. This is an unsettling time for you as it has been for most of us here. Focus on the positives. When you have the path. report you may want a second opinion. It is comforting to have 2 specialists’ reports to confirm that treatment is going in the right direction.