Just \"diagnosed\" yesterday - 37 and very scared

Thank you for your words of encouragement. I just got back from talking to my Therapist about this and, although she's nice, it doesn't help any.

I didn't have an MRI like you did, but I had abdominal and Pelvic CT scans, which I guess are similar. Several doctors now have told me that the scans looked good, so
I'm trying to believe that is good.

Independent of this whole situation, I am going to have to get a handle on anxiety in general, as it is just debilitating me.

I am just going to try and get this procedure over with and get back home tomorrow afternoon so I can then play the remainder of the waiting game out. I shake every time I think of what he's going to say when he calls me with the pathology, and that scares me more than the actual procedure ever could.

Good luck to you as well.

I can totally relate to your anxiety. My surgery is tomorrow and as the time comes the more anxious I get. The pills are helping you I am sure but you are so high stressed that it's just bringing you down just a little. The same thing is going on with me. I assume you are kinda high strung to begin with and that's why the anxiety is so much worse. What you have to do is calm down and breathe. I had to sit back and think OK am I gonna let this whip me down or am I gonna whip this thing? Answer is I am gonna whip it and so are you!!!!

Also just a little info I got from a second doctor. As you know I also have a 5 mm polyp that the first doctor said she thinks is a noninvasive papillary tumor and that you do not grow bladder polyps that are not cancer. As for the second doctor he stated that you can grow benign polyps and he doesn't agree with the first doctors comment on that subject. For me I am in limbo here and I am not sure. When I was very young (20) I had several benign polyps removed and 13 years later 1 came back. Is it cancer? I have no idea but I pray it's not. One oc says yes the other says most likely not. Only pathology will tell. I also had these same symptoms as you the first time and this time. I don't even have blood in my urine but the first time I did but I did have several then. As for all the pelvic pain I have all of that stuff but my MRI showed nothing else anywhere in my pelvis. They thought a lot of that is probably from inflammation. Stress can cause all kinds of symptoms cause now every little ache you are thinking "is this related"? Most likely not. There are a lot of people that will state they had some removed and they have never came back. So you can hope that the doctors are wrong and it is benign. They don't even know for sure yet either. You can't change it even if it is considered a BC. All you can do is get rid of it and your taking those first steps.

Your mind is a strong organ and can either help you or hurt you in this ordeal. Trust me I know your scared and I am too but try to be positive. I was so negative at first too because the word Cancer just scares me in itself. For me I just go to the Holy Spirit to protect me and heal my body. Not sure if that's something that will ease your mind or not but it does me.

I will be praying for you and good luck with your surgery on Thursday! Look forward to a good report on you and myself in the next week or so!

Thanks Mike. You're correct about the anxiety and I do appreciate your candor. I am seeing someone already (called the day I got back from the first doctor appt.,) but I'm realizing that I do need a good deal more help than what I am currently getting.

This is undoubtedly the most difficult thing I have ever had to deal with in my life thus far (and hopefully this is the extent of it) but I do know (even though my words haven't been conveying it) that life always takes various turns and presents difficult challenges and I know that I need to be better equipped emotionally to handle those.

Thanks again

There is no such thing as "surety" in ANYTHING in life. Never has been and never will be.

You should probably talk to a counselor or psychiatrist about the anxiety. I don't understand it and I don't think any of us here are able to help you with that.

You want to know stuff about bladder cancer, I've been there and done that (as have others here) and I already know that all the stuff you are freaking out over is no big deal. You can't quite understand that the same way I can't quite understand why the heck you are freaking out.

Your fear is real to you and even though I see there is no boogy-man under the bed, you just know he's there and we're never going to sort it out. Psychiatrists are trained to help you deal with this kind of stuff and I STRONGLY suggest you get to one and get the help you need. Stress levels like yours are way worse than low grade bladder cancer (if you even have it).

Mike

Thanks. I am glad to be having this out on Thursday, but I am also dreading the aftermath of that (i.e., the waiting several days to get a call back on the findings.) I have been trying to go back to your initial post and reread it for some reassurance.

One thing the doctor said that is freaking me out is that someone w/ my size polyp/BC generally would experience no symptoms at all, so of course the fact that I do feel that dull pelvic ache and low back discomfort most of the time make me think that this has invaded me everywhere.

I know I sound like I'm emotionally regressing, but I am still just so paralyzed by fear.

I know that I just have to wait and get this out and then find out what to do from there.

I just wish that I could at least know w/ some level of confidence or surety that, once they remove this thing, [even if the pathology shows it as BC, high grade, abnormal or whatever,] that it is gone and I just have to make sure to follow up so it doesn't recur.

what a week this has been.