Just \"diagnosed\" yesterday - 37 and very scared

Thank you. I still don't know why he would have said I have a "small bladder cancer" from seeing it in the scope before even removing it and taking a look at it, but I guess that is how some doctors approach it (especially if he has seen a lot of these things before, which I would have to assume that he has.) He told me that he was certain from only just looking at it that I wouldn't need anything more than routine follow up cystoscopes after we remove it a few weeks from now. I have read about the BCG treatments, but I thought that is needed only if it is something other than superficial, low grade. I certainly don't know all there is to know yet and, quite frankly, I hope to have no need to delve too far into all of the treatment scenarios since my doctors seem to be so convinced that I shouldn't be worried. Easier said than done though, of course.

Since all of them said my CTs looked great, I can't imagine this could be anything later stage (i.e., it would have to be very early, right?) At least that's what they tell me.

Last year I had a colonoscopy since I had had a few bouts of IBs related stuff (and have a family history) and my GI at the time approached everything much differently. He said that the most he'd be likely to find were a polyp or two at my age and he did find a couple but biopsies were normal. That was also a tough situation to wait through, but I think the way he approached it was far less blunt than the way my urologist has addressed this whole thing. I mean, I guess he knows what he sees when he sees it and I did ask him to level with me and all, but if it is true that the full details aren't apparent until the pathology is completed, then I'm not sure why he would have said what he said and put me through this incredible anguish, knowing that I will need to wait several weeks just to get it taken care of and (hopefully) be able to move on and try to get back to normal.

I know I'm just saying the same thing over and over, but this is all just still so hard to comprehend and process, even though I've been assured that this can't possibly be anything other than early, low grade, superficial, etc.

I know I'm still caught in the "woe is me" stage of this, but I'm really fighting that and trying to avoid such thoughts. My mantras yesterday (between the occasional meltdowns) was "my doctors said I will be fine, my doctors said I will be fine, my doctors said I will be fine...and so on.) Been trying to repeat that every chance I get.

I have to go to work tomorrow and Tuesday (have off the rest of the week though) so I am now focusing on trying to muster up the mental stamina to plow through those two days without incident. I'm just going to man up and do it though, as I know I do not have a choice.

Here's a question...why in the heck don't they scrape out some of those cells when they're doing a regular "in office" cystoscope so they can check all that right away, or at least get a better idea to confirm the visuals right at that point...I'm no doctor but, seems pretty logical to me that such a practice would make sense and be commonplace today. I just have a feeling that much of this incredible angst and worry could have been mitigated by gathering more details at the time of my visit? Does that mean my doctor isn't good and that I should see someone else? Who knows.

JD,

I was where you are a little over a year ago. I was 39 years old with a 7 and 3 year old child looking at a diagnosis of cancer and wondering just how everything is going to turn out. I had a CT urogram done and my urologist told me I had a 85-90% chance of the tumor spotted being cancer. I didn't have a scope done at the time because the treatment was going to be the same irregardless - have the tumor removed and base further treatment on the pathology. At the time I wasn't too sure everything would be OK.

Fast foward to today and I can say I have a much different attitude than I did when I was diagnosed. I'm almost a year and a half out with no reocurrence. I go for my BCG's and scopes as scheduled and don't really dwell too much on it in between treatments and checkups. It's in the back of my mind, but it certainly doesn't consume me. I've done some reasearch and have a general idea of what I'll do IF a reoccurence should happen. I've looked at those stitistics you have as well, but don't put too much stock in them any more. They include all sorts of people, many of whom may have had sub-optimum care. Just being here and learning what you can about the proper treatment protocols greatly improves your odds of not becoming a stistic. Being an educated patient can greatly improve your treatment success.

You don't even know if you have bladder cancer, but even if you do you are most likely looking at a long life that will end from some ailment other than bladder cancer.

Thank you..that is helpful. I have been trying to believe what all of my doctors (primary and urologist) have said, which is that this is a small (5mm) polyp that they are treating as a small bladder cancer and that, regardless of the pathology determined, it will not threaten me going forward. I have accepted that fact that I will need the routine "follow up" cystoscopy check ups to ensure nothing decides to resurface, but I am very much trying to look at the positives. I am also trying to take as rational an approach as I can, since I was told this was caught early and that I cannot imagine that all of these doctors would not have been/be acting with urgency if they truly felt this was seriously in need of immediate address.

Of course, if I had my way I would go in tomorrow and have this taken care of so I could try and move forward, but I guess I have to just man up and wait it out somehow.

What a whirlwind week this has been.

Thanks again

JD, I would take what the doctor gave you for stress, you have a long three weeks in front of you. It's been a little over four months sence I found out I had cancer and for the first three there wasn't a day that went by that thinking of my kids didn't make me cry. If I could have taken something to ease that stress I would have....and you should. It sounds like you are doing better than I did, finding a councilor to talk to is a smart idea. Don't be afraid to do what ever you have to to get through this part of it....it does get easier once your doctor can give you solid answers. Good luck, Warren.

PURCHASE GREEN BANANAS! I love it.