Where We Are Today

Karen,

Maybe if you keep those positive senses going, he turned around when you mentioned the hospital, so maybe it really is depression rather than the end for him. Try to lure him outside, the weather is nice and it may lift his spirits as well. Lunch on the porch?? I think he is not giving up just sick of being sick.
How much can one take. By heart goes out to you both, wish I could send you a miracle, I will keep you in my prayers, Ginger

Karen,
I feel like I only know slightly what you are dealing with. While dealing with an unwell parent is awful, it is not the same as your situation. Your husband is in your care, in your haouse, in your bed. I can't begin to imagine. While the thought of losing Mama saddens me, she has lived a long full life and seen her children grow and become mothers and fathers. (I hope this isn't making you feel worse) I'm just trying to say that I cannot fully understand what you are going through. I will be thinking of you.

Karen -- My heart goes out to your whole family. I've read and re-read the thread and would love to find words that would help bring comfort, strength, and peace.
I am happy that your husband has begun to eat again. at least. I also want to let you know that I consider it exemplary generosity that you are sharing the details
of "where we are now" with the rest of us here.

sending hope and support -- Susan

Karen have you talked with Dr. Torti about his latest remark about shutting out the pain or just dying? I don't know when the time is right for Hospice but i did see my father start to shut down...refused to eat and drink and basically went into what they called "failure to thrive". Thats when we called in Hopspice.
I know he means the world to you and your children and i know its reciprocal. My heart goes out to you and your family.
Pat

Thanks for your thoughts Zach & Renee,

I went into the bedroom and told my husband that it was fine to go to the hospital for pain management, but it would be a waste to go just because he wasn't drinking/eating...He hates hospitals, and would rather stay in his own bed...that did the trick...he is having a sausage egg and cheese on a bagel (his choice), and an Ensure, as I type this...Just saying that he would have to go to the hospital if he continued to not eat/drink seemed to work...

I also told him that the kids need him healthy for as long as possible. When it is time then we will deal with that, but just because you are depressed is not a good enough reason to let the kids see you like this...that seemed to get through to him too. I also said that I have enough to worry about, and that he needs to do this for me. I obviously wouldn't act this way if he was unable to eat. But since he is still physically capable of doing so, I told him that I expect him to eat until the time comes that he can't.

I feel a lot better knowing that there are nutrients inside of him...it is the little things that mean the most isn't it?

Hi Karen,
I think it is really hard to give any suggestions, without really being there. It must be so hard to see him in this state. I had the same feelings with Hans, my husband, and I felt when he finally went to the hospital that he would return in a few weeks.

It is so hard to accept what is coming, I think we always will "see life" in our loved one. Karen, I feel for you, and I really don't know what to suggest. My intuition and my heart says accept for what is and cater to what ever he wishes. This is hard, but it may be the best for your husband and I only can say this after I went through a similar situation.

I think you should be worried about dehydration, because the pain medications without fluids can really affected his brain. I am not a doctor, and I hate to give you wrong advice, but I feel compelled to share this info.
Hans refused fluids and only drank a little just before admitted to hospital. After waiting for a bed, without IV and lttle fluids, for 24 hours Hans became for lack of a better word "crazy". It lasted 3 days and the nurses told me that this often happens because of dehydration and having a lot of pain medication. After 3 days, being on an IV, he settled down, but he told everyone that he had the worst days of his life(it was horrible for me as well). If you are able to get him on an IV that would be great, here in Canada that was not possible in home care.
If I can help let me know.
Take care, and a big hug,
Renee