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The dreaded decision, Hospice

12 years 5 months ago #13628 by momof4

My wish and prayer for you and your family is peace...

You are in my thoughts, and if you want to talk I am always just a phone call away...


Caregiver for my Wonderful Husband Angelo, who has Metastatic Bladder Cancer.

Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain.

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12 years 5 months ago #13626 by Gene Beane
I too am glad you made the trip, now I pray you and your family!!! May God Give you strength.. and your docotor is an angel as she determined your next step for you. And now you know what has to be done without making the decision yourself!

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12 years 5 months ago #13625 by aimeth
Hi to all,

We made it to the doctor today which is 30 minutes from our home and he was in much pain so they had to give him a dilaudid injection to help him with that. His doctor took one look at him and decided to make the call to hospice. She seemed very concern and compassionate. She told him that there was no need to come and see her anymore because it was too much for him to travel in the car. But that she would talk to us via phone anytime we needed her. She also told him that she was sending a team of people and support to help us and that they would make sure he was pain free. We parted with tears and tomorrow they will come to set up and go over everything with me.

I guess she made it easier on me by letting me know it is really time. I trust her and I know that she cares and has done what she can for him!

Ginger: My husband doesn't' talk much about anything anymore but I am glad that we made the trip to Disney. He has been deteriorating very, very fast and I guess that was the right time and moment. I think that I would have been mad at myself if I would have been stubborn and not let it happen!


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12 years 5 months ago #13618 by justme
(((((Aimeth)))) I give you hugs and say prayers for all concerned.

I haven't been in your situation so that's all I have to give.

God Bless you and yours.


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12 years 5 months ago #13610 by Renee
Hi Aimeth,
This will be a very stressful time and a difficult time. It is very often difficult to make decisions, because you are under stress. I was in the same situation about a year ago.I cared for Hans, and only received hospice care, but here in Canada it wasn't a lot of actual care. At the end I got for a few days a night nurse. Hans never ended up in a hospice, because he became unstable and had to go to hospital. The last 10 hours he was put on "palliative sedation" and moved to the hospice unit. I am not sure if "palliative sedation" was dicussed with you and is possible in the States. Hans' mets had gone to his lungs and he was slowly sufficating, hence this decision.

Regarding his fear. It is very hard when fear takes over and controls you. You may like to sit with him and talk to him quietly that you always will be there and remember him about the good things he did in the past. May be that helps. Elizabeth Kuber-Ross has written some excellent books on it, but one of the things she adviced is sitting with him and holding his hand, and listen.

It is hard to let go, Aimeth, but it is also hard to see the suffering. I hope you will be able to think of him and be able to let go.

Try to get all the help you can, you need it, and it will help you to spend more time with him. Something I regret.
I wish you strength, get help from your doctor if need be.
Big hugs,

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12 years 5 months ago #13584 by Gene Beane
sillberstein and Julie,

I understand now, my dads situation was he had a mid brain stroke, he rejected a feeding tube, he counldn't swallow. He was in intensive care, a decision had to be made, when we all arrived with him at hospice we watched as they put him in bed, from then on he was given morphine, conscious 3 days and slightly 2 days then not. He was in a on-suite as well like Leigh talked about, I think rejecting the feeding tube is what put him in the shorter route of things. This was after the doctor said he would probably have more strokes until the end if he didn't choose hospice. I like the one where they can eat as desired, this way was very difficult in all ways, for him and us. He asked for water and I couldn't give it to him.
In any case hospice works for whatever the situation, but it doesn't help ease the death of a loved one. So for Aimeth I hope she has courage and strength, I wish that for her at this difficult time...Ginger

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