With respect, I think in this situation it may serve you to learn about path reports too. I'd certainly want to know how possible that "possible invasion" of the prostate was. I think an ability to read people is great and incredibly useful but, in my experience with bladder cancer, it's easy to get back a distorted view when you're this emotionally raw and dealing with all you have to deal with.
All in all, though, it sounds like you're in the same boat as a lot of people here, me included. I did lose my bladder and, though it wasn't the greatest experience of my life, it beats the alternative and is possible to adjust to with a high degree of satisfaction, as I have. Sure, there are lifestyle changes that need to be addressed but many people have. I see myself as exactly the same as before my op in the ways that really matter. Im slightly younger than you. That said, I hope the BCG works out for you. If it doesn't please use this site to guide you through whatever you have to deal with. Even if it does this is a great resource for your ongoing treatment.
I don't think you're being paid back for a charmed life here, by the way. Bladder cancer/mother nature, in my view, doesn't discriminate like that. It's the great leveller. Its not caught but conjured from within. It affects all manner of people; good, bad, rich, poor, blessed, unlucky, young, old. It doesn't care. It's not your fault.
The mood swings are tough to deal with. You say you have therapists in your family. Are you taking any kind of counselling or discussing this with people/loved ones? Or are you taking anything for the swings? I think it always pays to take a positive position on your treatment if you can. There's always every reason to be hopeful even in the direst of circumstances. It'll help your daughter deal with it. But mainly you should do all of this for you. Everyone else will be stronger automatically if you do.
Regs
Tim