Leigh,
My diversion is different then yours. I have an Illeal Conduit that sticks outside my lower abdomen and a pouch and bag that covers it.
Since my plumbing is not connected to anything, I have no concerns of leakage during sex.
My operation was in late June 2007 and the doctor said that he saved the nerves. I have not had an erection since. However, that does not prevent me from having sex (or our version of sex).
Here is how my wife and I both share in the new world.
I have urges for sex. Even if I do not have an urge; with my wife's interaction, my urge starts right up.
We do a whole lot of foreplay. We touch, caress, and kiss in places that the other really enjoys. My role is to insure my wife totally enjoys the experience without actually inserting myself into her, because I can’t. This can be done by touching, caressing and kissing her sensitive areas.
Her role is to do the same with me. I actually have Phantom Ejaculations with a limp penis. I swore at first that something came out because if felt the exact same as before. It is dry as can be. It is amazing to have the same feeling without the mess.
The key to this is not to be the same as before. We still please each other (I do mean that my wife is as satisfied as before maybe even more).
How we started this new world was for me to concentrate the evening on pleasing my wife only. I told her it was my way of giving back to her; like she had done for me during surgery and recovery. It was uncomfortable at first, because she didn’t want the attention. She wanted equal attention giving. But, this turned out to be the best decision for us. My body felt the same reaction to my pleasing her that it did before. And towards the end of the evening, my wife just touched the right spots, and that is when the first Phantom Ejaculation occurred. We have perfected and grown in our version of sex. My wife said the other day, that she missed me inside her. However, the next statement was, “This is the best sex we ever had.” She said it is like starting all over again. As if we were teenagers again, learning what made the other person satisfied.
This is how we have stayed intimate. I am 49 years old and my bride much younger. I could not imagine not being able to enjoy each other intimately. However, I can imagine enjoying each other in this new way forever.
Good luck – Enjoy exploring your new way.
Rick