Welcome, I'm sorry you had to come here.
I am not sure if there is a way of not losing your hair during Chemo. It really isn't an issue for most men to lose their hair during treatment. Sometimes even other male members of the family and friends shave their hair off to show support.
My biggest concern is what you said about being dead so you wouldn't have to watch him go threw this. When we are presented with the chance of losing a father or mother we tend to revert back to being the child. We step back uncertain of what to say, or how to react to what is happening. Waiting for them to give us guidance as to what to do.
Having had gone threw this same situation at a very young age, I now look back and wished I would have taken a more active roll in my fathers care. I wish I could go back in time and listen closer to the doctors, held his hand during the recovery, help him sip ice water when his hands shook to much to do it him-self. Or simply had been there when he needed me the most, so I could be the strong one, and let him rest for awhile.
No you shouldn't sit back and watch helplessly. You have to be the strong one now. You have to help take care of him as much as he took care of you when you were a child. You will feel better about it later when you look back at it all.
It's okay to feel a little sorry for your-self, after all you are going threw a very tough time. And it's okay to cry about it also. But please remember to laugh and smile also. Your father should know that you are concerned about him but that you are happy that he is getting the help he needs to get better.
When I was diagnosed last Christmas my son came home from the Army to help take care of me after my first TURBS.No he did't have to be there, and we could have gotten along with out him. But just to look across the room at him sitting there ready to do what ever it took to help me was enough to let me rest when I needed it so much.
Please try not to worry about the little things like losing hair and such. Just focus on the big goal of keeping the cancer at bay. And be there for him. Even if it's only to squeeze his hand and wipe his brow once an awhile. Remember to smile so that he can see his beautiful daughter the way he always wants her to be, Happy.
The fact that you came to this site shows that you are heading in the right direction. And that you are going to be alright. But if you should need any support for your-self or just have a question, remember we are all here for you.
We have been there too. And my greatest wish is that we can some how ease your pain, and try to help you threw this rough time.
Mark
