This is a copy of one of my first posts from 16 years ago! Have fought hard but I know the end is near.
16 years 3 months ago
#4203
Ramblings
was created by
jrcanoe
They act like I have no choices; No answers are provided. I can see
them think “why is he asking this “. I pretty much knew what was up
when cipro had no effect on the life’s blood that was draining out of
me. I knew going in about the white wash My doctors were calling a
looksee and biopsy of a polyp. They looked a little stunned when they
asked me my name and proceedure for their final OR verifying check
before putting me under I said “I’m John R… and I’m here to get my
bladder rotoruetered.” I had thought about using a marker to write
“CARE “on my penis and “This Side Up” and “Handle With” on my body.
Pissing razor blades is no fun (and yet these fools want me to drink
Niagara) It’s just what I call screaming pain, but it pales beside the
waves of agony of bladder spasms and contractions pushing clots and
chunks down your fiery penis. There aint no screaming going on nor would
it be possible. Wakening on the bathroom floor covered in swet piss
and blood a look to my watch tells me I’ve only been out a few seconds
if at all. The thought of the gun safe two floors down flashes through
my mind but it might as well been 1000 miles. There is no real pain
relativity the fiery penis is shoved on the back burner while I lay
there gaining the strength to clean myself up a little and crawl into
bed.
I’m scared, my bladder gives an occasional flutter just thinking about
it. They want to stick a tube up me while I’m awake and fill me up with
this bio-hazard. My god the soreness just ended and I’v worked down
through steak knives to butter knives by staining all my underwear and
sheets in a white and camo orange pattern. Funny other than Women I have
never been scared of anything. I mean risk analysis caused me to give
up extremes when my daughter was born but it was love and a since of
fairness not fear that caused me to table big water kayaking, cave
diving, downhill racing , the wish for a motorcycle ect. The first BCG
went fine much ado about nothing. After an hour and 45 min I was doing
the peepee dance when the nurse had pity on me and man I peed like a
race horse I think I got it all and it seems that I may not be retaining
as much urine now
I need answers .I want to recalculate a motorcycle. I won’t spend all my
hard earned collage money for my daughter in a vain attempt to keep
this salmon alive. A river in Canada with polar bears calls me, Can I
insist that my death certificate read natural causes if I’m eaten by a
polar bear?
