What to do...

Mel with this disease we all have those breakdown days. One of mine was yesterday we don't even have a choice about treatment as Dick can't have any. I talked to my Mother and to my daughter and they both wanted to be able to do something and there is nothing to do. Things are the way they are and somehow we have to find the courage to get up each morning and carry on. It does help to know they want to do something but sometimes all you can do is be a listener and a shoulder to cry on. It hurts to see someone you love in such emotional pain and feel so helpless. I hate feeling helpless and there is nothing I can do to change the facts. So the choices come down to how we face the inevitable. Julie

Melissa,
I can offer this being the age your parents are probably, we are 62 Gene 67. Our children age 40 and 36, were very helpful and watched over us when Gene was diagnosed. At times they hovered a bit much but I knew its only beacuse they are concerned.
I and Gene both broke down many times turning the months before his r/c.as the matriarchs we fel helpless as we are in that senior phase of life and is SCARY for us..we didn't know for 2 months how bad this was going to be.
I would go into a prevent mode, stick close by, tell mom your right there with here, and do what it takes to get them on a positive note. The cancer is scary enough, depression can jump in and make it more scary. Handling the unknown is the biggest concern. Our children visited just about everyday,, did the lawn for us, and brought the children to make us smile.
I hope it gets better for them both,
ginger

I know it is twisted...but within the fear and anxiety, is an opportunity for honesty and an even greater opportunity for love.

Coming together in the face of this sad time and fear is a chance for each of you to be open about what you are scared of and, in that, find ways to support each other and be stronger in the face of this trial.



Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers that you may find a peace for each day...
Whitney

Melissa,

Honestly the only (and best) thing you can do is be a good listener....There are no simple one line answers for this situation...It just outright Sucks! This is such a difficult time for you all, and probably the hardest thing your family will ever go through. If you are anything like me you are a "Fixer"...It is the most difficult when you are faced with a problem that just cannot be fixed...that takes alot to overcome, and come to grips with, in and of itself. If your father isn't on one, an anti-depressant helps, but there will still be hard times ahead. There is no magic pill ( I would have found it by now) Knowing that you are going to die, your families lives are going to change forever...can anything be harder? I am here for you if you want to talk, scream, cry or vent in any way...

Thinking of you, and wishing I could take all of the pain away,
Karen

As a Mother myself I can tell you that just being there and letting your Mom and Dad know you are there for them is about all you can do. Continue to call, visit and give them your support and most of all, your love to both of them.

This is a difficult time for you and all of your family and I am sure you all need each other very much.

Concern and love have meant the most to me and Bob as we face a difficult time too.

Wishing you and all of your family the best.

Prayers are with you all.
Clara

Last night was tough on my parents. I spoke to my mother this morning and it seems that they both had a breakdown last night. I know that this is normal, but the after effects seem to linger. My father is frightened of dying and does not understand why this is all happening to him so fast. He used to be a very strong man. Now, he is in pain and it prevents him from doing the simplest of things.

He is still going through chemo and has another PET scan in a month. We are all worried what it will look like and that is hanging over our heads. It is very hard as a daughter to hear my mom cry and be so scared. There is nothing that I can do to make either of them feel better and this is frustrating. I still cannot believe how our lives have changed. This is a terrible disease and it just is not fair.