What to do...

I think depression is very normal with all that is going on. Bob is now taking zoloft and still seems depressed. Of course I could not make it myself without something. I have been on zoloft for a long time now and it has made life a little easier.

Clara

I have DEFINITELY suggested counseling an an antidepressant. Unfortunately, he is very stubborn and he quickly dismisses the subject. I will keep trying but I am not sure how successful I will be. My father is very strong willed and in his mind it is just something else that makes him seem like he is really sick.

Mel, when people start saying or thinking that their loved ones would be better off without them it is a clear sign of depression. That is how people think when they are depressed. If your Dad is not on an anti-depressant ask him to consider asking for one or tell your Mother to let the Dr. know what your Dad is saying and ask that he be given an anti-depressant.
Dick started one a little over 2 weeks ago and he says he knows it is helping. His depression was affecting him physically. It does look like giving up. Letting go is different than giving up. Also the caregivers and family are at risk for depression. It is also a way of asking for reassurance which I'm sure your Mother gives him.
Julie

Mel,

I can relate to your Mom so well...I remember last Christmas going to the mall to see Santa with my little ones...Waiting in line and looking around it was so hard to see all of the families without a care in the world...Didn't they know that people were dying! I struggled to stay and believe me it was hard to do...I did it for the kids...I had other people shop for me, I couldn't bare to go back out with all of the "Normal" people...I felt safe in my misery at home...sounds strange right? This is a long road. I never thought then that Angelo would even still be here...There are stages that I went through, that your mom will go through, that your Dad will go through, and that you will as well...unfortunately/fortunately everyone goes through them at different times...but believe me you will experience some if not ALL (like me) of them here is the list:

Denial (this isn't happening to me!)

Anger (why is this happening to me?)

Bargaining (I promise I'll be a better person if...)

Depression (I don't care anymore)

Acceptance (I'm ready for whatever comes)

I am here for you, and if your mom ever wants to talk to another spouse that is dealing with this I am here for her too.

There is someone out there listening...you need your faith now...it will help carry you...

Karen

MELISSA,
It sounds like your dad is having some anger issues, So many emotions going on. He sounds like he is sort of throwing it all at others, its his way of coping. He doesn't mean it. I am sure the things he says are very hurtful to you and your mom. Somehow you will find your way with all of this.
Prayers to you and I hope he's listening!! GINGER

Thank you for all of your responses. This has definitely been a trying time, and a test of faith but through it all I try to remain positice.....which is not very easy for me!

I do as much as I can and I try to get my mom out of the house occasionally as well, but when I do she feels guilty and wants to go back home. When she is home, she is sad and stressed. Either way, she doesn't seem to ever be happy and that makes me sad. As for my father, he is starting to say things to my mom such as, "You would be better without me." This of couse is very hard to hear and it makes it seem like he is giving up his fight.

I pray every night for myself and for all of you....I just hope that there is someone listening...


xoxo