Sorry to read about your diagnosis. Good to see that you are going to see a top bladder cancer surgeon. Who is it?
Sometimes, there are very few warning signs but there is isn't any way to go backward in time at this point. It's forward with your NYU doctor.
Many of us have felt the same way you do right now. Try not to get ahead of things. Unless there is something to show it has spread, it may not have. While you are catching this later in the process than would be preferred, it may be that it is still fully contained to the bladder.
Do you have your pathology report? What level of "invasion" is it.
T1 is into to lamina propia, T2a is through the lamina propria and just into the muscle layer, T2b is farther penetrated into the muscle layer, T3 is through the muscle layer.
Get copies of your pathology report. Good luck with the doctor consult.
Ask any questions you can think of (both to us and to the doctor).