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helping

12 years 10 months ago #6503 by Rosie
Tim,

You are such an experienced, encouraging and compassionate voice for this “helping” subject and forum!. The heavy and daunting challenges you have been through has served to contribute to your very compassionate yet realistic assessment of this challenging life journey. The write up below may be of help to Deeasm and others as it has helped me when I was experiencing concerns in my family and after loss of a family member or friend. Rosie

."A Reason A Season and A Lifetime"© by Brain A. "Drew" Chalker.
People always come into you life for a reason, a season and a lifetime. When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do.
When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, or to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or even spiritually. They may seem like a Godsend to you, and they are. They are there for a reason, you need them to be.
Then, without any wrong doing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die, Sometimes they just walk away. Sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and it is now time to move on.
When people come into your life for a SEASON, it is because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season. And like Spring turns to Summer and Summer to Fall, the season eventually ends.
Lifetime, relationships teach you a lifetime of lessons; those things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person/people (anyway); and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas in your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant. Thank you for being part of my life....

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12 years 10 months ago #6501 by wendy

>i really dont know how or if to tell my son about his grandad just yet , he has been affected badly by my partners passing and was aware of the illness , to turn around at the moment and tell him about his grandad , i dont think is a good idea , yet i dont want to lie either , i have tried never to lie to him , and in return i dont get any back so far anyway ;D my son is a very bright child for his age (10 ) ,


Hi again,

Have a look at a thread I began in the "Dealing with grief and Loss" section, titled "children of cancer patients." My own experience with not having been told the truth (when I was 7-8) about my father's condition and the aftermath of the shock. It's my own personal feeling that kids not only can handle the truth, they intuit it. I'm sure your son feels your fear, maybe he can even help you through this difficult time because he knows now how terrible for someone when their father is very ill.

That said, I understand totally if you want to keep some of the worries to yourself.

Hugs to you and your son.
Wendy

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12 years 10 months ago #6499 by timb
when I was having my cystectomy, my partner and I didn't elaborate on too many details to her 10 year old. we told him i was ill and needed an operation and that's all he needed to know. i think he instinctively knew it was pretty serious and dealt with it really well. I'm not sure how it would have been different for him in the circumstances you are in but I think children can be very resilient. as for the "whole truth", I'm not not sure even we knew what that was! and i think we also instilled in him our hope that the op was going to make things better and emphasised what we wished for over what we dreaded. it must be really difficult for you not to think the worst right now and pass that on to him. I hope you are getting lots of support from friends and relatives. I think you and your son must need to get away from it all!
T

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12 years 10 months ago #6486 by deeasm
thanks tim and thanks wendy for the link xx > > ?? ? ? ? > >i really dont know how or if to tell my son about his grandad just yet , he has been affected badly by my partners passing and was aware of the illness , to turn around at the moment and tell him about his grandad , i dont think is a good idea , yet i dont want to lie either , i have tried never to lie to him , and in return i dont get any back so far anyway ;D my son is a very bright child for his age (10 ) , and at the moment thinks grandads just got a bad leg , he was aware how the blood clot could have taken his grandad straight away , i just think at the moment if i tell him the whole truth it would devistate him ,and maybe he would assume the out come to be the same as my partners , any one have an opinion on this ?

been with my partner for 7 years ,i have a 10 year old son .

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12 years 10 months ago #6480 by wendy
Hi Dee,

I'm sorry to hear about your father's problems. There's a very good resource, an email list on ACOR, which also hosts WebCafe's bladder cancer list. Go to www.acor.org and look for "Kidney-Onc." It is full of knowledgeable and helpful people.

I wish you all the best,
Wendy

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12 years 10 months ago #6479 by timb
dee

its just awful how horrible things sometimes come in clusters like you are experiencing. as if you need the added strain and worry right now! a few years back (01) when I was getting to grips with my bladder cancer and my partner and I had just watched her dad die from pancreatic cancer, my sister (39 and with a completely different prognosis to your dad by the way) called me from hong kong to say she's been diagnosed with small cell lung cancer. we lost her within a month. she'd been given a clean physical bill of health from BUPA 3 months earlier (you begin to question the worth of those things!). then, my father also succumbed to bladder cancer within 3 years of this. by then end of this period i was starting to feel pretty paranoid! and when my own BC started to become aggressive a couple of years ago, I wasn't feeling too optimistic! But somehow we have all muddled through and although we think about the people we've lost all the time things look a lot brighter now. which is what my sis and my dad would have wanted to happen for us. and for us to have a laugh even through the bad stuff. life has seemed pretty much a zig zag for me in the last decade with changes both great and not so great appearing without warning. I still joke about the turn of the millenium and the appearance of that twin tailed comet and the solar eclipse here in cornwall preceeding so much grimness for me personally! hopefully, you've got some good times coming your way really soon and things with your dad will work out fine. you surely have earned it. I don't know about kidney tumours so I hope someone here comes forward.

wishing you all the best

Tim

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