Tahoemom,
I have been dealing with bladder cancer just since January and know the emotions you are going through. When I first discovered blood in my urine, I was a total zombie. I knew it was cancer immediately and my reading on the internet confirmed my fears. I saw the doctor within the week and he found my tumors. For me, the very worst was the waiting. I could hardly get out of my recliner. I did not want to eat and I seemed to sleep lots which is hard for me to imagine now. I have always been very active, walking at least 2 miles everyday, doing most of the yard work on our 2 1/2 acres which is steep and going all the time even though I am "retired".
I decided that I had to have some control of the situation and that has improved me mentally so much. I read everything I can get my hands on, books and on the internet. This site is great!! Writing about it helps too. I am doing some of the alternative stuff like taking supplements, eating much healthier, keeping up with my exercise although I don't have the energy I did have, and doing some of the mind imaging.
Now I really don't dwell on it. Life goes on and I have decided that no matter how much longer I have to live, I want to live having fun and living a half way normal life. If I let this cancer control me, it has won and I am not going to let that happen. None of us know the future anyway. I maybe killed tomorrow in an auto accident but I want to enjoy life.
I will be finishing my BCG treatments in 2 weeks and then I go for my cysto. Of course, with this cancer, I don't think we are ever "cured".
Mom4, my heart is with you. I, too, am in NC.
Nancy