Hi,
Sorry to hear your news. Did you receive a copy of the pathology report? I'm wondering what the stage of the tumor was.
I agree with Chris about the newer options of neobladders or internal pouches (Indiana, Florida, Studer, etc). Although there may be an increase in post op complications, and such a radical surgery is not to be taken lightly, many people find these options more appealing then the external bag.
As Chris also mentioned, there are experts who've devised new techniqes that can preserve erectile function after cystectomy. Could be worth investigating and perhaps finding a surgeon qualified to perform that techniqes.
There are some pages on WebCafe with info on the various options after cystectomy under 'invasive bladder cancer=cystectomy; and many testimonials in the "Tales From the Trenches" that attest to life after bladder removal.
I hope you have a doctor you can communicate with as this is the start of a long relationship.
All the best,
Wendy