So sorry to hear about your husband. He is lucky to have you fighting for him!
Whether or not you get a second opinion is sometimes a complicated question. First, where are you located, geographically? It may be that there are other good places closer to where you live.
Second, what are the qualifications of the urologist you are seeing? How much bladder cancer does he treat? Many urologists are very competent in this area....others mostly treat prostate issues and only an occasional bladder cancer patient. This would be a critical question if bladder removal is recommended. If that is the case, you need to be sure that the surgeon does many of these and is very experienced in this. You shouldn't be hesitant to ask these questions.... you wouldn't take your car to a mechanic for a major overhaul if he had never done this, or done very few!!
Normally an oncologist is consulted when chemotherapy is recommended either prior to, or after, bladder removal. They are not experienced in the initial treatment of bladder cancer, as it is usually treated by urologists.
Hope that this helps a little.....
Sara Anne