Bella,
Sorry about your diagnosis. I'm not too sure about the 'gutted like a pig'!
My goodness, I hope you have a better surgeon than that.
Since you have been reading the site, I am sure you have already read multiple times that getting the best, most experienced surgeon is the absolute most important thing you can do and you have complete control of that aspect of things.
The surgery is no walk in the park, that is for sure. It is major, major. However, it is an investment in the rest of your life and the good news is: You get to have a 'rest of your life'.
Neobladders for females are very tricky and many women opt for the Indiana Pouch as their preferred option. However, there are also women who have neobladders and they are doing ok as well. You may want to ask some of them about pros and cons of each.
Good luck with your chemo and upcoming surgery. Let us know any questions you may have (you may want to start a new thread in the Invasive section).
Mike