Wow, I am sorry you are having a double whammy of dementia and invasive cancer to fight with your husband. I am sure it can be overwhelming. From my perspective it affects the caregiver maybe even more so pat yourself on the back.
It appears to me you have analyzed your husband's situation clearly. I would call Hospice today. Sometimes it takes doctors referral. Most chapters are very good from what I have seen. Palliative care is often available which is not necessarily end of life help. Keeping your husband comfortable is the key plus it will free you for some needed time for whatever you might need.
Usually there is someone else that will chime in with good observations. Feel free to post anytime.
DX 5/6/2008 TAG3 papillary tumor .5 CM in size. 2 TURBS followed by 6 instillations of BCG weekly with a second round of 6 after a 6 week wait.
My husband has bladder cancer and was diagnosed with it just two months ago. It has invaded the muscle.
He is 81 years of age, has advanced dementia, and now the bladder cancer.
He is now fully incontinent and my oldest son and I are caring for him at home. It is a lot, but I want him to be cared for by those who love him.
There's so much we don't know and getting a VA doctor or a Urologist on the phone is a difficult task. That is partly why I have resorted to this chat. I don't know what to expect. We found blood in his brief today and the pain seems to come and go, but today more pronounced. Aleve and Tylenol seemed to kick it for the most part, but it doesn't seem to be doing as well now.
The urologist does not recommend putting him through treatment, and I agree. He would not do well with treatment and it would be too much for us to care for him should they remove his bladder or if he should pull out a catheter, etc. His mind is often like a child although he has moments of lucidity.
I guess what I am looking for is the signs of what to look for when I should call Hospice. I'm having a hard time letting go, as one would expect, but I do not want him to suffer either. Do the doctors give out pain medications for this type of cancer?