Mrs D
Of course you and your husband are overwhelmed. Out of the blue you receive a cancer diagnosis, and suddenly the world turns upside down. It will straighten out shortly - so hang in there. DO NOT over think this, and do not accept any single source from the internet as having the answers.
Additional tests will refine the cancer diagnosis and better define the possible courses of treatment. Unless you have had tests other than the biopsies it is too soon to state the true stage and grade. It is fair to say, that based on what IS known so far, non-muscle invasive with Cancer in situ, that it is High Grade (CIS is always high grade). Subject to change with more information, you would be at "Stage 0is" - this is reducing the report verbiage to a summary code. This is a good place to be at this point.
Two sites below may offer some useful information. The first described the "generic options in dealing with bladder cancer" - the actual options depend on individual circumstances and care team practices. The second website explains how a pathology report is turned into a stage and grade rating. Again, stage and grade are subject to change.
Diagnosis and Treatment of Non-Muscle Invasive Bladder Cancer:
AUA/SUO Joint Guideline, by the American Urology Association
AUA/SUO Joint Guideline: Published 2016
Bladder cancer Grades and Stages are explained at:
www.cancer.net/cancer-types/bladder-cancer/stages-and-grades/trackback
I am 29 months into the battle against CIS. There are a number of options, again depending on specifics. The gold standard is to remove the bladder (RC) before the CIS goes invasive, an option that is presented to me at every 3 month checkup and treatment series. BCG was not the magic bullet for me, so I have moved on to those other options. You will have options too.
You and your husband both have a cancer, just as my wife and I do. It takes a team, working together, to get through this. Both of you are affected by the cancer.
You mention the doctor saying "2 to 4 years". I HOPE s/he explained that was a "possible" time for CIS to progress, not a statement of life expectancy.. Consider the following about CIS -
"The mean interval from the time of diagnosis to cancer progression was 5 years", and
"Actuarial progression free, cancer specific, and all-cause survival rates were 63%, 79%, and 55%, respectively, at 10 years". [1999 stats]
"Survival of patients with carcinoma in situ of the urinary bladder."
Source:
www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/10357420
ALWAYS make your care team explain their comments completely. Always discuss every concern, problem, discomfort and fear with the care team - it is part of their job to get you comfortably through the treatment.
May I go out on a limb and make two suggestions:
If you can move your care to MD Anderson, or other Center of Excellence, do so.
Make a list of all the drugs you have been prescribed so far in your bladder journey, the strengths, the daily doses, the date started and stopped ,the understood reason for each drug, the effect of the drug and the reason for stopping each drug.
That drug list, updated, will become part of the cancer diary you will keep documenting all your tests, reports, and success as you beat this cancer. Share that information with your care team.
Stay positive. You and your husband will beat this cancer. Life for both of you will change a bit due to treatment, but you will get through this.
Best
Jack