Just had to chime in and say what the others are saying are pretty standard observations. Plus, a second TURB is almost always done in a high grade DX. Don't beat yourself up too much. Waiting is sometimes brutal but, as Sara Anne said the tumor has probably been there awhile. What you have laid out is good and you are on your way to fighting and beating this. One day at a time is all we sometime can handle. Post away to ask, rant, be angry, etc. We are here for you.