My dad also was losing his hearing but could understand (lip read)simple sentences. Try "I love you" or just words of comfort.
I was a cranky old man before my surgery and was a loud, cranky, impatient old man after surgery. There were a number of medical things I had to learn, this pulled my patience to the limit. I was old- I didn't want to learn something new! It's difficult to guess at your dads frame of mind but I bet I'm not far off. After surgery these stressful things become just a memory. It is Very important to keep perspective with the fact that lots of cancer cells have been removed. It was only a short time after my surgery that a scan helped my dr to declare me cancer free.
And thru all of this we are here to support both you and your dad. Rely on us. We understand.
I'm 70, retired heat/air contractor. After 4 months of keymo ileal conduit (IC) surgery removed bladder & prostate May 2010
Just saw your post, and wanted you to know you are not alone here-Don·t know what time ite is where you are, but i think it may be a while before there are others on line who have been in the same situation as your Dad, or you as a caregiver. I guess your Dad is very afraid at the moment, and in his own way he is dealing with it by trying to face the worst case scenario, and his main concern is for the welfare of you and your Mom.
A cancer dignosis, never mind the idea of undergoing major surgery, is frightening for anyone, patient or caregiver, but there are many on this site who have been through it, and come through after surgery with a pretty good life. I wish I could answer your question, but I can·t, other than say carry on being positive, and realise that he needs time to deal with what is happening. I am sure others who have been in the same situation will post soon,but in the meantime , stay strong.
My father went to the Cancer Center in Chapel Hill yesterday. They are going to remove his bladder, possibly the prostate to need to ask mom. He will be using a urostomy now. They wanted to do chemo before surgery but his hearing loss may be to bad for that so they may wait till after the surgery to do a few rounds. They did another CT Scan to make sure the upper body does not have any cancer.
Most of you probably know this but the doc said the bladder has three layers, his cancer has ate away the first two and is working on, or possibly through the third as well so it all must come out. It will be about a 5 hour surgery and he will be in intensive care for a few days. No strenuous activity for 3 months.
I am an emotional basket case right now. I'm trying to keep a positive outlook but I'm really scared. Mom says all he talks about is the what will happen to her without him. He is really expecting the worst. I'm afraid to talk to him right now, his fuse is very short and if I say one wrong word he may take it wrong and flip out.
Thank you so much for all the words of encouragement. His CT Scan came out good today. Its not in his pelvis or lymph nodes.He goes back in 6 weeks to have the scope again to see if the roots have resurfaced. If they have he will have to have the bladder and prostrate removed. If not I think other options will be discussed...maybe chemo..not sure. For now he is still peeing blood and having pain when he uses the bathroom. Surgery was just last week so don't know if its the cancer or the recovery causing that. This has been some wonderful news but I know we are not in the clear yet. I'll update as I find out information.