Letting go of the FEAR

Joe,
It is hard to be positive, especially for you with all the issues you have triumphed over. Sometimes I think I pushed to hard to get Gene back to living. But I have not,,without that constant positive pushing we could grab a chair and remain in it before our time to do so. I don't have the cancer, I don't have the bag, but I have always looked at it as its my life and his were fighting for. So get busy and live it,, thats my motto... Ginger

Rick,
Its odd the things that I have experienced since my husbands surgery. People I have run in too by chance. The issue of reoccurrence is scarey for all. It just reassures me that the treatment road you travel has to be well thought out. Choosing the best facility, the best Surgeon, and hope the rest falls into place.
We all have that risk, its as individual as ones surgery. If that day comes for us, I hope I can have the strength that other caregivers have, ones dealing with metastisis. But for now, its T-BALL games, my grandson getting his drivers license, Gene riding our 2 year old grandson on the riding mower, which last year he couldn't do. taking back our yard work from our children.
Don't fear, pray for those who are not as fortuneate, and remember that little pain after playing H-O-R-S-E is probably a muscle that wasn;t use to movement. But I am like your wife, one step from running him to the Er AT THE CLEVELAND CLINIC, A PANIC LURKS IN YOUR BRAIN AS A WIFE. I keep any thoughts of that experience at bay...

Ginger

Ginger,
Thanks for the great thoughts, ideas and sharing your experiences.
I can imagine meeting new friends that really get what Anne and I have gone through.
Just like you, I try not to think about the possibility of the cancer spreading. Since my past test and scans came back “ALL CLEAR”, I have decided not to think about any chance that the cancer will come back. With that decision there seems to be little stress around the house. However, I do have to remind myself about things I have done that contributes to some aches and pains. I had a sore back the other day and asked my wife for some Advil. Of course her first thought was to say we needed to call the doctor. I reminder her that I was bending over, for an hour or so, the day before pulling weeds and that was the cause of the pain.
As time has gone by my cancer has gone from all consuming presence on our mind, to periodic thoughts.
We had all five of the kids home this weekend celebrating their mom’s birthday. We were playing H O R S E (a basketball game). After I missed a shot, I said that I get another because I have a disability. You would have thought I was taking candy from a baby with the reaction of the family. Before cancer we would have had the same weekend with the same interaction with the kids. I would have enjoyed the time as it was happening the exact same amount. The difference is that afterwards I am cherishing the weekend more in my thoughts. Oh by the way, I won the H O R S E game. Now I can sit back and years from now remind the kids, “Remember when we played H O R S E the year after my surgery and I kicked your butts with a bag hanging from my abdomen.
It is such a warm feeling that all my family can go back to a normal life without the sadness of my cancer being the center of our lives.
Life does go on, and I am living it.

Take Care
Rick

Caregivers and b/c cancer warriors,

I have been thinking about this for a while. It never occurred to me to be anxious about whether my husbands cancer would return now that he has had his r/c.
Then if you read in the metastisis section you pick up on those who have experienced the dreaded reoccurrence. It is so important to make sure that the tests are all read by competent people. Our surgeon, after telling us that Gene was all clear from the path report, said it was read by one of the best pathologists in the world. I thought, hummm...aren't they all perfect readers of reports. Not the case. I am going to continue with my no fear attitude, I won't let the fear of what could come take over my being. Nor Gene's. Everyday I am thankful for the Cleveland Clinic , and the guidance of the Doctors there. In that I think we have to touch those we can, educate them from what we know from experience. Reach the ones who will listen.
We went to a favor place of our up on Lake Erie for the evening. Our other friends of 25 years were there as well. A new couple sat with us, our age, I learned from conversation with them they just started dating, his wife past 3 years ago, he was her caregiver for 4 years, cancer, her husband past 2 years ago, cancer. Gene wears a yellow braclet, cancer awareness, the subject came up and he explained, the both of them were inspirational to me as they immediately felt like we jelled, a bond, they both had experienced what we all have. She said "I'll think of you everyday "when we left. She knew more about what we have experienced then any of our friends do. In 3 hours, and we didn't talk about it but for 30 minutes. What a BOND you feel....He said" enjoy every single day you have together"
Then we danced to a song called " remember when" HOLY SMOKES, THIS WAS TOO MUCH.
But a touching evening with our old friends and 2 new ones!!!!My point in this is to say, "get out there and do things together",
Don't fear the unknown, for us who are still cancer free be sure you get to your check ups,cross your t's and dot your i's.
For those who are metastisis, fight with your life, have no regrets, and live for the moment...Ginger Beane