Hey Doc... I can tell this is weighing on you heavily. Sometimes circumstances are such that our help is unwanted, or even unwelcome, and we have to respect the boundaries others have set. That can be difficult when things happen to people we care about and we know they are suffering.
It sounds like you don't have a path to help your daughter-in-law, but your wife will need your support as her DIL's health deteriorates. Sometimes all we can do is just be available... and we have to find a way to be OK with that.
Don't feel bad or guilty about bowing out. You offered, I'm sure multiple times, and your help was discouraged. I do hope the projections are wrong and maybe she will decide differently about fighting her battle, but in the end, it is her decision to make.
