Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target.
Dear Mrs. Samsel,
Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Samsel are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.
1. March 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in peop le's carts when they weren't looking.
2. April 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. April 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.
4. April 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away.'
5. May 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.
6. May 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. May 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding
department.
8. May 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
9. June 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
10. June 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
11. July 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.
12. July 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.
13. August 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
14. August 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'
PAT
