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3-month cysto was clear--why am I Debbie Downer?

7 years 9 months ago #36811 by lhpdogs
Kimberly, I have had two recurrences of tumor (TaG1) since my initial TURB in Dec. 2005. I had no recurrence for one year, and felt ecstatic at each cysto. Then, the first time I saw that little bitty stalk of cancer on the screen (and had it biopsied and burnt off right then, owww), I went out to my car and LOST IT. Cried so hard I couldn't drive. I'd been coming here, knew this could happen, but I freaked. I didn't think "OMG I'm going to die"... I just freaked thinking "I have cancer AGAIN". So, BCG again, more clear cysto's, and then a second recurrence 18 months ago.. this time, I didn't cry. I hate to say this, but you get USED to it. Ha, try and get people to understand that you get USED to hearing "uh-oh, here we go again", as a doctor is viewing the inside of one of your major organs! I hope you do not have that first recurrence with all my heart.. but if you do, your feelings will be normal, go ahead and freak out a bit :woohoo: and come back here and vent to all these wonderful people who know exactly what you are feeling! Note: I guess there really is no "normal" way to feel when you have cancer - it is what it is, but knowing you are not ALONE is very important; and allowing yourself your freak-out moments without feeling "abnormal" is important, too!

Be strong, remain fearless!
Lauren

TaG1 12/05
3 recurrences
BCG started 9/09

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7 years 9 months ago #36810 by lhpdogs
Kimberly, I have had two recurrences of tumor (TaG1) since my initial TURB in Dec. 2005. I had no recurrence for one year, and felt ecstatic at each cysto. Then, the first time I saw that little bitty stalk of cancer on the screen (and had it biopsied and burnt off right then, owww), I went out to my car and LOST IT. Cried so hard I couldn't drive. I'd been coming here, knew this could happen, but I freaked. I didn't think "OMG I'm going to die"... I just freaked thinking "I have cancer AGAIN". So, BCG again, more clear cysto's, and then a second recurrence 18 months ago.. this time, I didn't cry. I hate to say this, but you get USED to it. Ha, try and get people to understand that you get USED to hearing "uh-oh, here we go again", as a doctor is viewing the inside of one of your major organs! I hope you do not have that first recurrence with all my heart.. but if you do, your feelings will be normal, go ahead and freak out a bit :woohoo: and come back here and vent to all these wonderful people who know exactly what you are feeling! Note: I guess there really is no "normal" way to feel when you have cancer - it is what it is, but knowing you are not ALONE is very important; and allowing yourself your freak-out moments without feeling "abnormal" is important, too!

Be strong, remain fearless!
Lauren

TaG1 12/05
3 recurrences
BCG started 9/09

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7 years 9 months ago #36803 by Rockyiss
Kimberly, Normal , normal, normal ! Thats what you are.
Sometimes when the bc is bugging me in my thoughts I think of my best friend who had diabetes. Everday all day since she was seventeen she had to think of her disease, until she finally went blind and her heart was destroyed from it. She died at the age of forty four.
My thirtyseven year old nephew fell down the steps carring a load of laundry , hit his head and died.
Depressing isn't it. But my point is no matter how we feel day to day, what ever we go thru LIFE is good. We get knock down from time to time and our thoughts take us places we get tired of going to, but the fact of the matter is we can choose to bring our thoughts back to where they need to be. On the positives !

They can treat our bc, there are so many cancers they can't.
I tend to look at my bc as another pain in the butt, kinda like all the other stuff , such as taxes, dealing with nasty people etc, etc...

Like I said, you are normal, so enjoy your life and feel free to put your thoughts out here . It helps all of us to think of good things trying to cheer each other up. Like my Mom all ways told me. Count your blessing honey there are more than you think. Rocky

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7 years 9 months ago #36799 by pemquid
I think you'll find that once you get through having the BCG every 3 months, the 3-month cysto check-ups don't seem so bad. The first year of BCG treatments, it seemed like I was forever at the uro's office, what with the 6-weeks induction, 3-weeks maintenance every 3 months, and the cystos every 3 months. It seemed there was barely a week free of being reminded about bladder cancer. Once I got on the 6-month BCG schedule, and now on 6-month checkups, I hardly think about the blc at all. I hope that's how it goes for you as well, and best of luck in your treatments and check-ups.

Ann

Small TA Grade 1, May-06; recur (2 tiny), same, June-08; TURBTs both times. BCG begun July-08, dosage to 1/3rd May-10, completed treatment December-11. All clear since 2008.

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7 years 9 months ago #36798 by motomike
Kimberly
I like to ride on the positive of the all clear until a day or so before my tests. I have been pretty successful so far.

I also vowed that if I’m going to be down, it will be on behalf of some of our group here who truly deserve it.

I'm 70, retired heat/air contractor. After 4 months of keymo ileal conduit (IC) surgery removed bladder & prostate May 2010

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7 years 9 months ago #36790 by Sled Ed
Well spoken George and quite inspiring!

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