Lustron,
Here is a link that explains the kegel exercises (and a few other recommended exercises) for strengthening the pelvic floor muscles. If you get a neo, these are important for regaining control/continence.
medicalcenter.osu.edu/PatientEd/Materials/PDFDocs/exer-reh/physical/IncontinenceExerProg.pdf
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At your stage/grade, getting the RC is the gold standard of treatment. MANY of us here have had RC (and for the men that also includes a prostatectomy) and our quality of life is pretty darn great. I'm one of the guys that had some complications so I have to catheterize every time I go. I didn't in the beginning but ran into issues later. I have the neo. I never did get night time continence either so I have to wear a condom catheter at night hooked up to a catheter bag. Even with that, it is no big deal. I wouldn't have done anything any differently.
Unless I tell someone, nobody would know that I had my bladder out. I can still scuba dive and do anything else I could before.
I want to second (or third or fourth) what has been said here already. It is important to understand exactly why your doctor is recommending against the neobladder for you.
Also, the MOST important thing with this surgery is to get to the best/top bladder cancer cancer hospital that you can with the top surgeons. Should be a surgeon that does this surgery 50 or more (and the more the better) a year. Better outcomes.
Best of luck and please keep us posted.
Mike