My Husband has been fighting bladder cancer for 10 years. I met him 5 years ago and we were just married last October. Two days after that, we found out that his cancer is traveling beyond his bladder walls into the tissue just before it hits the lymph system.
He just had a major operation where they went in and removed 3 tumors. They took 3 biopsies from those tumors and found them cancer free but the bad news is he still has incito (sp?) cancer cells surrounding his bladder in patches and they're moving.
This last surgery was very, very difficult on him both physically and mentally. His doctors are the top notch hanchos at UCLA and they have been begging him for the last year to have his bladder removed because of the danger it will travel into his lymph system. We all know what happens after that.
We went to get his catheter taken out today and his doctor told us the encito cancer was getting closer to the lymph tissues. His doctor again urged him to have this surgery done, but he refused and opted for internal chemo again.
Clearly, the doctor he's working with and the other professionals that are working on his case must know he's playing with fire the longer he puts this off, but he thinks he can go another 6 months without any problems.
I'm at my wits end. I know there's a chance we may not be able to make love the way we used to (if at all) and that's a huge deal for him and me, but I'd rather have him alive and deal with the consequences then have to deal with his death and what lymphoma will do to him.
He's angry with me for not agreeing with him and feels I don't trust his judgement. Frankly, I don't. The doctor shook his hand before we left and when my husband turned to go, the doctor made eye contact and he shook his head in helplessness.
I know my husband is frightened out of his wits. Who wouldn't be? However, he's playing with fire that will burn him permanently if he keeps putting this off and I will loose him forever.
Now I look like the bad guy. I just don't know what to do or how to support him through this. He won't tell any of our friends or family and this has been a secret between us for years. Of course, it's his call on who he wants to tell, but I feel that the more support we both have, the better we will both feel. I feel so isolated.
Any feedback appreciated.
LMH
