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What I did for myself today!!!
Today was the best day ever, I picked up my 3 year old grand daughter, we had lunch, then we went to Action Wear, a store in our town that has dance apparrel. We bought size 7 tap shoes, and a magnificant dance outfit. Then we went to the park to see where Santa’s house is, he wasn’t there but his house is ready, off we went to the mall, Karlie went on those thingys where you bounce in the air while being tucked in a diaper looking thingy, then we went and pet the puppies at the puppy store, off to Sears to get some princess slippers, while passing Santa we decided today wasn’t the day to see Santa, were in a stroller now, getting a little tired, its a car stroller so shes driving, she thinks..oh we found the slippers, what a find. Well we turned in our stroller got a sprite to drink on the way home, oh what a beautiful day…..best one in a long time!!!!!Ginger Beane caregiver
Point being: PHERAPY COMES IN MANY FORMS
What did you do for yourself today? -
15 Replies
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Ginger,
All of your information is helpful! I had been told about the meds and stool softner and the lack of finding food pleasant. I realize everyone heals at different rates, with various degrees of pain, so it is nice to have a range of when to expect things to improve. This entire process is difficult to plan around but that is understandable. Thanks for the support!
Sally -
Sally, here’s the story on med’s, it all depends on how he is doing, they are on pain med’s if they still need them for a week or two. Then about that time the bowel thing starts, ask your doctor what he should take for regular bowel movements. In our case it was milk of magnesia, also a stool softener. Its important that they don’t get dependant on the milk of magnesia or any other helper. He may not have this problem at all. Some get out without any problem others have big problems. Driving is 4-5 weeks, could be 5-6 depending on your doctor. After a week or two after he is getting stronger get him out for small drives, just to see something else, it all helps. I hope this helps..Ginger
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Ginger,
I appreciate the advice about having his buddies around. Friends have asked what they could do, and I suggested to call once a week to stop by and visit. Believe me, I will take the hint and leave the house while they are visiting!Meds for several weeks? I did not know that part. So, how long on the pain meds?
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Caregivers, while out christmas shopping pick up a little something for yourself, anything for a little pick me up!!!!GO TO LUNCH WITH THE GIRLS!!!!or bring a nice lunch home for you and your loved one, light some candles and a fire, only if you have a fireplace, and remember all we have to be thankful for…hope it snows, Ginger
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Sally, One other thing that helps is to have your house in shape for returning home, Gene has an outside bag so we set up the master bath will all his stuff. If he has friends who he is close to, like a guy he plays golf with or something, I think its great if you can alert them to stop in when he gets home, that perked Gene up seeing his buddies even if for a half hour…then if you need to you can run out to the store…..Ginger
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Sally,
In our situation we had a nurse, stoma nurse twice a week for 6 weeks, I stuck around the first month, but I asked the kids, our daughter and son to come over on days they could to break up the bordem.We walked and did what we could,for the first month, then I left him when getting a hair cut etc. They can be okay for a few hours but I called while out.Gene is 66 and in good shape, but they are on some med’s at first so I didn’t want to leave him until he was off those. I think our being with them feels right to them, rather than others. Gene’s sisters came over and his brothers but not for lenghty periods. So I stuck it alone pretty much,the best thing is when they can drive, even if its just a short trip somewhere. It was summer for us and we have an inground pool. so the grandkids would come over and give him some laughter to get him thru, and the fall was great so the weather certainly helped. The first month is a bear for both!!!!No driving for at least 5-6 weeks for them……Ginger -
Ginger,
How soon after you brought your husband home from surgery were you able to do things for yourself? Did you have outside help (family or friends) to call for an hour or two break?It’s funny sometimes that it takes cancer or its recovery to really notice the little things around us. I find it is a new appreciation for life. Have a joyous holiday and enjoy those around you. :D
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Ginger, I bet your grandchildren love you to bits! You sound great fun! Good luck to the upcoming TW golfer. Love your comments about the teenagers…….I can relate to that with my son ……… young love!!
Take care and enjoy your weekend!
Maria xx -
Wow, you have a special man there, taking care of you while on bed rest, you best keep him. I have 5 grandchildren, as soon as I figure out how to put a picture on this web I will post Karlie in her tap shoes and tutu…I am going to turn 60 this August but I am a kid at heart. I am taking Kenzie 11 and her friend out shopping this weekend, we have a wonderful outdoor shopping place, fireplaces, big oak furniture, and the decorating is gorgeous, maybe it will snow,,,,so I will be doing the older thing, then I have a 5 year old Ryan, he will be next, his brother Carter is 18 months so he just likes me to run after him in the house. Tyler is 15, he is a golfer, he and Gene do it together all summer, Gene started him with it age 4. now he is 3rd in the county..his initials are TW,,,GET IT!!! Tyler will come over to dinner, he has a girlfriend, they just like to look at each other.So I will do my thing with them, it provides me with what I lost over the summer, JOY!!!!
Ginger
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Ginger, Its really great to hear that you are taking time out ‘just for you’ You really do need to have a break. Sounds to me like you had a fabulous day, I really enjoyed reading your post and could sense your happiness you shared with your little granddaughter, she is a very special little girl.
Can you plan this on a regular basis as it will give you something to look forward to each week?
I am sure that your husband appreciates you very much and is grateful for your physical, emotional and practical support you have given him with his bladder cancer journey, and all it entails. Caring for a sick relative is an enormous responsibility with associated physical and emotional demands. I admire you for your endurance, as do I
Julie and Aimeth.My husband has to be the best man in the world!!! We have a great relationship!!
He looked after me during my pregnancy as I was on 16 week bed rest and in and out of hospital. He was working full time, visiting me, running back and forward to the hospital with clean laundry etc.
From another perspective, I said then, and I will say now, that I felt very guilty about the additional pressures on his day to day life. I know I will feel and express the same to him when I have surgery, which he will just dismiss. I have tried to prepare him for the extra help I will need for a short time when I come home from the hospital. I will still feel guilty as he has a lot of work already without me to deal with!Caregivers, never under estimate your self worth, for you to support your loved ones, you need support too!!
Maria xxx
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Julie and Aimeth,
I think the 3 of us are all saying the same thing. We love our husbands, we want to be the ones who take care of them, but the stress and anxiety that comes with it is hard to handle. How do we fix ourselves when we need emotional support.
For the husbands they get use to our being there for every little need they have, its important to make them help when they can and if they are up to it. Because it remains the everyday topic it is grueling. Step out of what has become the norm and do what was normal for you before all this. Buy yourself some fresh flowers, it helps me to make the house look colorful and pleasing to the eye. I try to remember there life has been taken from them as well, so I do what I can for myself without it being to obvious. I have done the pedicures, the nail things, massages, but you can’t do that constantly it gets expensive. Look around and find something else you like and do it..Ginger -
I don’t know if it is normal almeth but I feel the same way. Today I announced that i am taking time for myself and I will go to the things I have set up for myself as it is hard to be on call 24/7.
I just hope I can leave him alone for 2 to 3 hours once he gets home from the hospital. I practice dong stuff for him with a smile but sometimes he takes my assistance for granted and seems to wait to request something just after I sit down. I do realize that staying up set is hard on me. I think the stress contributed to my diverticulitis and having to have my sigmoid colon removed this summer because it perforated. I am mortal too.
Volunteer Coordinator
ABLSC -
Hi Aimeth, Ginger Beane here, I am the caregiver for Gene, he had the r/c Sept. 14th.
I can relate to your frustration, I am finding that I forgot what made me tick.
I am doing things alone or not doing things at all. ITS BETTER NOW AS GENE IS BACK TO WORK JUST 3 DAYS A WEEK 6 HOURS, BUT TO HAVE MY HOUSE BACK TO MYSELF FOR THAT SHORT TIME IS WONDERFUL. I write the posts, when signing up I put it in Gene’s name so a bit confusing. From the housework to the shopping to the decorating now for christmas it seems again my job. But the worst was in the summer with the diagnosing everything, he removed himself brain wise from what was around him. And I understand that but not less frustrating for us who have to pick up where they left off. So I took Karlie shopping, its what makes me happy like before, the smiles on her face just lite me up, and the giggling we did was precious. Generally Gene would do this kind of thing with me, but since his surgery his stamina is not all there yet. Especially for the mall for 3 hours. so I did it myself, and will keep doing the things I remember that brought me joy. Until he is full circle again. Gene has no more cancer, but now he has a heart problem, we will find out tomorrow. So I think to help you think about what you like to do best , and do it one day, then increase it a couple times a week. I want to get back to the gym, but haven’t done that quite yet. Being around people who aren’t dealing with this is uplifting..even if for a short time…
Ginger Beane -
Hi Gene, Is funny that you write this message today. Me on the other hand had a terrible day. I am feel stressed and angry. And I guess my husband got fed up with me. I feel bad but sometimes I get tired of taking care of everyone and everything. I try to do things for myself but its not that simple with him being sick all the time. I am really going to break apart any time soon. What do I do? I feel terrible and can’t get rid of this anger inside of me. I love my husband and want to be there for him. I don’t want to feel this way anymore. Am I crazy, is it just me or is this normal? I guess I need to vent, and thank you for listening. Aimeth
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Sounds like a wonderful day, Ginger and I bet your granddaughter enjoyed it as much as you did.
I went for a walk and enjoyed nature. It was just time to “Be” and get some exercise too.
justme patd
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