Telling teenage children your diagnosis

i was just diagnosised last wk. have both tranistional/small cell bladder cancer, which is not common. only symptom i had were 2 UTI’s with some blood in it few months ago. nothing else. have been recomended to have chemo then radical cystectomy. i am so scarred. had to tell teen sons, and daughter. they did not take it well, but wanted me to keep it honest with them. like me the unknown to them how every bad, it even worst. will begin chemo in 4 days. live in US, in the medical meca… northeast… have the world class care.
waiting for some other test results and I am so scared…not for me.. for the unknown and for my children. to see them suffer is the worst of all. i just love them so much. to see my husband hurt and sufferring is the worse then then diagnois of cancer. i am in my 40’s don’t smoke, drink, or work with any chemicals. no family hx, to say why do i have this?? i don’t know.
does anyone else have both these types of bladder cancer? if so what was your outcome? just want to know what to expect.
thank you

Maria,

I see lots of good comments to your concern…and I agree…it’s always best to share that type of information. Knowledge is power…the unknown makes us fearful.

My two were 19 and 21 last summer when we gave them the news. My husband wanted to tell our son and so he did and then we had a family meeting when our daughter got home and told her. We did not tell them when I first found out as they were studying for finals and waited until those were over. Our daughter was much more emotional than our son was about it but of course that doesn’t mean he wasn’t affected…we all were.

Luckily for me, my mother-in-law has battled BC since she was 52 and is now almost 89, so I only had to remind the kids that we are often able to survive cancer…at least she has for almost 40 years now. And I read somewhere that some woman lived to be 108 and she had beat cancer back several times during her life. So we can triumph over this nasty diease. Look or some positive examples to share with him as that might help him feel better about it. Take care, Melodie

Maria, it sounds like you have a great son. I think it is a really good idea to have him go with you when you see your oncologist. I believe in letting family members know what is going on with as much detail as they can absorb. The word cancer is a scary word and many people think it is the equivalent of a death sentence and we have to explain that bladder cancer is something that many people live with for years and years. I don’t think it gets easier to live with the idea that each time we visit the Dr. there may be signs of a tumor but for many if they are vigilant the bladder cancer can be kept in place.

I will say I don’t think it is ever easy to tell ones children no matter what their age. This year we had to tell our 38 and 40 year old that their father’s BC had metastasized and we don’t know how long he will live with it. Right now there is no sign of cancer but we know that can change at anytime.

When my sister had kidney cancer her son was about 16 and daughter was 20. I think my nephew’s method was to ignore it as much as he could and her daughter was some help. She is now 5 years post surgery and doing well.

Dear Maria,
Of course you did the right thing by telling him. Children always suspect when something is going on, and keeping them in the dark frightens them more. What you tell them (and how much), of course, depends on the age of the child and on your needs as well, but it must always be honest and leave the door open to answering questions.