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New to this
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Such quick responses! Thank you all for lending your support. I feel better already. It is a confusing time. I love my work. I am a geriatric social worker/case manager and probably 80% of my clients are Holocaust Survivors, so you can see why it is hard to feel sad for myself in light of the stories I hear every day! But that does not diminish what I’m going through. Maybe I will learn to take care of me through all this and not just others. I am already learning many new things about myself and I haven’t been on this path very long.
My cancer is treatable as non-invasive, grade 2. I will probably respond well to my treatments. I had a TURB about 5 weeks ago.
I really appreciate you sharing what it was like when you were first diagnosed. It helps a lot. I tend to be a positive person, practicing the Eastern philosophy of staying present to the moment and realizing the impermanence of things, like my sadness. These practices are being greatly challenged right now, however! Perhaps, another reason it is so hard to be comfortable with the sadness I feel.
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Dida,
I thought of something else that I strongly relate to from your original post.
The week after my initial Dx, I was at work, and I came to the overhwelming notion, “I can’t do this. I’m going to ask if I can go home.” One of my former co-workers in another department had been calling me daily to check up on me and when she called I told her I couldn’t make it through the day and I was going home.
Well she immediately hung up with me and called my Mother and told her to tell me to stay at work.
My Mother called and said, “Rose, don’t do this. Stay at work.”
I stayed at work and it was the right thing to do.
It might be a good idea to schedule your Mitomycin appointments for later in the day. That way this disease does not interfere as much with your normal life and you can attend to business as usual.
Believe me, somedays “business as usual” is the very best therapy.
Best regards,
Rosemary
Rosemary
Age – 55
T1 G3 – Tumor free 2 yrs 3 months
Dx January 2006 -
this is a perfect place for you. I think we all have sad days for the what if’s or gee how much more-add on the cost of all the visits etc… very much makes all our heads spin. I can say not just learning about BC but seeing how others are still here and working through this with prayers and all the levels of this cancer you are in the right home for support.
I am glad your here so keep posting your thoughts and by reading other’s post and learning some healing comes with this.
WELCOME. star -
Dear Dida,
Your post is more than approriate. It is in these first stages of diagnosis of Superficial BC where we need the most help and support.
This is the BIG HURDLE, right NOW.
It is definitely a scary time and possibly you already know that your life is going to be changed forever. And, it’s true, it will be changed. But, I’m assuming since your treatment is Mitomycin, then the Dr’s are telling you that your Superficial BC is TREATABLE.
I’ve not talked much here about my personal deep funk after BC diagnosis. Those days in January 2006 were dark and the clouds were fast gathering around me. It seemed like every minute was hard. The funniest and oddest thing happened to bring me out of this mood. My brother called to chat and my Mother was telling him that I was sinking deep into my depressive feelings and he said to her, “Tell her to suck it up. She’ll be allright.”
This sounds like a harsh and uncompassionate remark, though it was very characteristic of him to say it. But somehow, it was just what I needed at that exact moment in time.
And when I heard those words, the very clouds seem to dissipate around my head, and the sun seemed to shine through. It was a very odd and poignant moment for me.
This is not what I am saying to you, but only my experience as I went through what your are going through now.
This phase will pass and going to work and going through the motions will help a lot right now. Work can sometimes save us.
We’ve lived through this and you will too. Also, we are here to help you.
Whew, this was a hard post for me too!
Your new friend,
Rosemary
Rosemary
Age – 55
T1 G3 – Tumor free 2 yrs 3 months
Dx January 2006 -
Hi Kinga,
Nice to meet you yet sorry you are here. I think you are in the right place for medical and mental issues about bladder cancer.
Personally I have dealt with invasive bc so I am not knowledgeable about noninvasive. However I know how it feels to be diagnosed (dx’d). I had quite a time coming to terms with it – took a while. The folks here really helped.
You do sound like a very compassionate person to be able to do social work. I imagine you do it well :)
I am sure Rosemary or another who is getting similar treatment will respond soon. Best to you, God Bless, Holly
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