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My Bad
I walked off the ward yesterday as I was fed up. Dick is taking pain killers around the clock both morphine and oxycontin and it has caused him to need extra laxatives. They brought a dose for him to take and he let it sit there for over 30 minutes so I reminded him to take it and he got huffy and told me to stop pushing him.
I get frustrated when he doesn’t take the medication that help resolve the problems he complains about. He complained some more about me pushing him so I said “i’ll push myself right out of here.” and then left.I went back this morning for several hours and left when it became clear he would not be coming home today.
All we were waiting for is for him to demonstrate he could pee after the Foley was removed and for him to have a BM. Well after i left his bladder seized up and he had to have a straight cath last night. Today he had to have another straight cath so they put the Foley back in. Plus his hemoglobin was down to 8 and hematocrit was 20 so they decided to give him a blood transfusion. They told us this by 10 a.m. but as of 8 o’clock tonight he still didn’t have any blood as they are looking for his type. It is now over a week since I took him in.At least they gave him the gout medication and he is able to walk again but we are not happy with the Dr. who in her infinite wisdom discontinued the allopurinol which was to prevent a gout attack. She is also the one who stopped his prostate medication when he was admitted. We both think that is why he is having release problems now. They started him on FloMax but he will have to wear the Foley for a week.
I expect I will have the same argument with him when he gets home about taking his medications when I hand them to him. He cooperates with the nursing staff but blows me off. I guess my patience just gave out.
Volunteer Coordinator
ABLSC -
7 Replies
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Dick is usually very good about taking medications but when he has a fever he loses track of time. Now with the pain and the pain medication he has problems focusing and winds up missing steps in his regular routine. I have to keep reminding him to take his insulin and sometimes that still doesn’t work.
His oncologist told him yesterday how lucky he was to have me as a team mate for this battle. The Dr. said he saw many people who didn’t have anyone. Then Dick told his primary care Dr. today what the oncologist said so he did take it in.
Volunteer Coordinator
ABLSC -
Hi Julie – I hope things are getting better. I know while Harry was in the hospital (28 days) he was frustrated at the fact that he’d been there so long and his bowels weren’t moving and all he wanted to do was go home! He has never had to take meds of any kind so it was difficult for him to need them. This was especially true during his chemo treatments and I had to constantly remind him that the “doctor said” he should take the anti nausea meds BEFORE he was nauseous and the heartburn meds BEFORE it developed since after a terrible bout with heartburn the dr. gave him some meds to prevent it. He just didn’t want to take it and it frustrated me because I didn’t want him to go through the pain and misery…he finally did relent and took some, but it was a struggle. I’m sure, after 47 years you’ll weather this too. You’re in our prayers. Margot and Harry
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Julie,
Dick is probably sick of all of it, then you are the punching bag, where else to vent all the frustration, take it as you do so well, with a grain of salt and blow it off ..he doesn’t mean it but at the time your readily available so there ya go!!! Good excuse to go home gather your thoughts and have a minute for yourself!!! Remember yourself!!!!! KEEPS US UP ON WHATS NEXT,, TAKE CARE , GINGER -
I’m sure he was frustrated and in pain and he tries not to blow up. I like the Mr. Hyde/Dr Jekyll analogy.
He is so upset at how the pain medication made him so constipated that now he is home he won’t take it. Of course the pain makes him as irritable.I’m sure things will work out. We have been married 47 years so this is not the first squall we have weathered. I wrote in part to let people know that even the most patient person (which I am far from being) has limits. I am not upset at him as much as the situation of being in the hospital for so long. By the last day the dietary department was making simple mistakes like no silverware, no cup for his coffee, and regular Sierra Mist instead of diet and when he phoned for a cup and diet soda they made the same mistake again. That was irritating but what was aggravating was the Dr. deciding to discontinue some of his medications while he was in the hospital and that caused some of the pain and difficulties and we spoke with her on the second day he was there about why he was supposed to have the meds she cut.
We both devoutly hope we can keep us out of the hospital but these damn UTI’s can sure sneak up on a person.
Volunteer Coordinator
ABLSC -
Hi Julie, I feel for you and your frustrations with the hospital. This change in your husband’s behavior is likely down to his own frustrations at being stuck in the hospital and probably the drugs. He is on a heavy dose of painkillers which is bound to have an affect on his mood and of course he will take it out on you and as Warren says he feels safe in your love.
As Pat says sometimes these drugs bring out the Mr Hyde in you, I have a great relationship with my husband, he seen the Mr Hyde in me after heavy duty painkillers. Believe me I felt really guilty later on and I bet your husband feels guilty too. Hope everything works out for you both Julie. Take care Maria xx -
Warren is so right. Honestly Julie when i was on the heavy duty meds…whatever they were at the time..i lost track of time, everything…..They tell me i was lucid but i don’t remember much of anything…just random moments of “me”…the rest of the time i was apparently just alful to my sweet dear husband who never left my side…the drugs brought out the “Mr. Hyde” in me. Once my husband convinced them to wean me down off the drugs I remember looking at my husband and asking him how long i had been there…He said 2 l/2 weeks…I couldn’t believe it. He knew I was not myself and had to fight the establishment to get me off the drugs. I’m so thankful he was there to fight for me. I so regret any pain i might have caused him as we always had a great supportive relationship. And i remember when my father came out of heart bypass surgery and he was so doped up he became extremely abusive…it was very difficult….and i had to be his fighter. So please don’t take it personally…I’m sure its just the drugs doing most of the talking. Its ok to take a break and cry but go back in there with your battle gear on and face off with the establishment and know that your husband dearly loves you. Its ok to fight for him. Pat
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[quote author=Julie link=topic=1947.msg14541#msg14541 date=1205557566]
I guess my patience just gave out.
[/quote]So understandable. Do not kick yourself. Dick is angry, frustrated, & giving you a hard time as a way to express his desire to control his own destiny. You’re the unfortunate recipient because he feels safe in your love.
-Warren
TaG3 + CIS 12/2000. TURB + Mitomycin C (No BCG)
Urethral stricture, urethroplasty 10/2009
CIS 11/2010 treated with BCG. CIS 5/2012 treated with BCG/interferon
T1G3 1/2013. Radical Cystectomy 3/5/2013, No invasive cancer. CIS in right ureter.
Incontinent. AUS implant 2/2014. AUS explant 5/2014
Pediatrician
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