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I’m am Mike McG’s wife need help dealing with mets
This is a post from Mikes wife Liz she put it in the blogs and I posted as I know not all of you go to the blogs.
Hi. We just found out that Mike’s cancer is back and he isn’t going to do chemo again. His Dr says he may start getting bad in 6 mo and then he will live maybe another 6 mo. I’m scared it’s going to mutate and speed up! We have been married for 34 years and we are both only 54. I fully support Mikes decision. The whole family is supportive. I’m scared now. I don’t want him to die! What am I going to do when he is gone? He is my whole life! If anyone has some coping skills that has helped them, please share them with me. I am sad and scared. How will I know when he starts going down hill? I don’t like not knowing if, when, and where, the end is
Cynthia Kinsella
T2 g3 CIS 8/04
Clinical Trial
Chemotherapy & Radiation 10/04-12/04
Chemotherapy 3/05-5/05
BCG 9/05-1-06
RC w/umbilical Indiana pouch 5/06
Left Nephrectomy 1/09
President American Bladder Cancer Society -
7 Replies
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Gosh darned iPad,..”your wonderful Mike”not mme
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Hi, Mike and Liz, I so love your spirit of planning for the future and say go for all the gusto you can! Bravo to you both. Liz, your wonderful Mme electronically picked me up, dusted me off and had a talk with me about my options as Jim’s wife and dealing with his BC diagnosis. I will forever be grateful for that. I grieve a bit with you as Mike is special to me in a much different way from you. I appreciate very much what Cynthia had to say in find g somebody you can vent to. I was blessed with an amazing neighbor who told me if I needed to scream, cry or rejoice she was there for me…and, she was! Wishing you both Bon voyage in your travels…how exciting! And know I hold you both in my prayers. Carla. PS none of us has an expiration stamped on the bottom of our foot so plan away!
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Liz,
You both have such a good attitude! Hope you have wonderful times in Cancun and Italy. :) We all appreciate Mike so much and have the utmost respect for him and all he does for this site.
Anita
Anita
Forum Moderator
Caregiver -
It’s Liz, Mikes wife. Thank you all soooo much for your kind words and praise for Mike. I’m doing much better now. All we do now is love each other and hold hands. We are going to Cancun in February and in May we go to Italy together. We are living life now, not sitting around sucking our thumbs. I really appreciate your words of encouragement and the love I feel from all of you.
Sincerely and with all my heart,
Liz B) -
Mike and Liz,
I wish I had the right words to say now to make everything better. That’s out of my control unfortunately.
One thing I do know is the fear of the unknown is sometimes worse that the fear of the known. Having bladder cancer definitely changes your outlook on life. Right now my bladder is behaving, but that’s not a given to always be the case. The things I used to care about aren’t as important to me and the things I used to take for granted I appreciate more today. I’ve also had brushes with other situations that could be equally deadly, but have come through. The biggest way is just taking things one day at a time. You can’t change yesterday and tomorrow isn’t hear yet. The only thing you have control over is now. You lean on other people when you have to and you take it one day at a time and tackle your problems one bit at a time. Have faith that you will get through this and will became a stronger person for it.
I consider Mike a friend even though I’ve never meet him. I haven’t been on the forums much in the last 5-6 months, but something told me to look at them. When I did I didn’t like what I saw. Mike helped me a lot when I got diagnosed 3 years ago. The treatment I’m receiving today is largely due to Mike hammering home get a 2nd opinion, be proactive, and take charge of your own care. My Uro said we could stop BCG after the induction was over. The research I did at Mike’s insistence said that’s not the best course for high grade. When and/or if a reoccurrence comes Mike’s flow chart will be dusted off and put to use. Even more than that Mike gave me hope, encouragement and support. He’s had a profound influence in aspects of my life. If he’s like that to a stranger on the internet he’s got to be truly special in person.
Nobody knows exactly how this will unfold, but do know a lot of us are thinking and praying for you both. Don’t be afraid to seek outside when you need it.
47 yo, Ta G3
Diagnosed 11-24-10
BCG induction starting 12/17/10 followed by BCG maintance. -
Hello Liz
My first thoughts, and surely Mike’s too, after the news of more cancer, were about you. How were you going to hold up.
Now I have never met Mike face to face…. and THAT is going to change! But I am sure you must compliment his personality. You must be someone very special and having gone through so much before this news, I think you may have some very strong abilities to face the challenges you are going to face. It will not be easy watching Mike go through the next year, but you will take each day as it comes.
Losing your best friend and partner has got to be terrible for both of you. I cannot even fathom the emotions that you are going through. But I watch my dad as he agonizes each day with my mother who has advanced stages of Alzheimers and doesn’t even know him (or any of us)and dies a little each day.
I see him making emotional(and sometimes bad)decisions just to keep her home.
I also see his health declining as he gives everything to making sure she is cared for. He is just now breaking her out of the nicest extended care facility because he is sure they are not doing all they can for her.
All I can say is, We have grown to love Mike very much through this crazy electronic media, and we have always known you were his life. His every post gave us the impression that he was part of a Team of Two. Never alone. And always aware that you were 51% of the strength.I’m not trained in any kind of psychology and have no comforting words to make your life any easier. But unlike our past President… I really, really do “Feel Your Pain” My heart aches for you and even 2000 miles of distance cannot ease the ache I feel for both of you.
Please feel free to scream at this post. Say a few choice words, followed by “How dare he even think……”
Mike had a profound effect on my “second” life after RC surgery. I had no information to go on at first. I went from “you have cancer” to RC in 3 months. It was only after I was home recovering that I stumbled on this site and tenativly asked my first question “Am I going to die from bladder cancer?”
Mike responded that I was going to die from anything but bladder cancer…. as I no longer had a bladder to get cancer. It took me a week to realize that he was being a smart ass(and kicking me in it)Sorry for the crushing word count here. I just have a flood of disjointed emotions that are rushing to the front of my mind and I needed to just throw them out there for your consideration.
With all of our love
George Kline
Light a man a fire and he is warm for an evening.
Light a man ON fire and he’s warm forever.08/08/08…RC neo bladder
09/09/09…New Hip
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New Man! [/size] -
Liz you ask questions that none of us can even wrap our heads around really. No one knows anthers pain but I know my own and it may give me a small window into yours.
For a year and a half now my husband and I have been dealing with the devastating diagnosis of one of ours. They do not wish to be public about their battle so I have not written here about it here as I respect their wishes. Before I was the one dealing with cancer I had no idea what it was like for my loved ones of feeling so helpless, devastated and scared. I am seeing a counselor and there is a name for what I am and I am sure you are dealing with is called anticipated grief. Give yourself a place to rage and talk, where it is ok for it to be about you and how it affects you, a girlfriend, councilor, clergy or us who ever you feel at ease enough to share this with. We can get so absorbed in dealing with others and their needs that we do not take care of ourselves and you know the old saying.
How you get through this? One second, one minute, one day at a time, the human spirit is an amazing thing, it endures what it thinks it cannot. But how do you keep the fear of the future from taking away the joy of the moment? I posted on the ABLCS Facebook fan page this quote by Mignon McLaughlin ” The only courage that matters is the kind that gets you from one minute to the next.” Survivor or Caregiver it does not matter we all just persevere and endure what we cannot change. The key is getting back up when it drops us to our knees. And with the help of family and friends we find a way. We don’t do it perfectly we just do the best we can.
You may not know it but because you are a part of Mike you are a part of us you don’t get a vote by the way. Please be part of this community it would be good for all of us I think.
Cynthia Kinsella
T2 g3 CIS 8/04
Clinical Trial
Chemotherapy & Radiation 10/04-12/04
Chemotherapy 3/05-5/05
BCG 9/05-1-06
RC w/umbilical Indiana pouch 5/06
Left Nephrectomy 1/09
President American Bladder Cancer Society
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