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    How to be the cheerleader

    Posted by mspam2yall on February 23, 2014 at 10:50 pm

    Start of Discussion
    0 of 0 replies June 2018
    Now

    My husband was diagnosed with bladder cancer January 13 stage T2, we left our home town and went to MD Anderson for a second opinion. This past Friday our fears were confirmed and my husband will have chemo before bladder removal. My heart and I know I will be his cheerleader, his caretaker and his ears from this point forward. But I have a hard time not going to the “what if land”, what if this doesn’t work, what if the cancer spreads, etc.. I have a hard time not going out in the middle of the street and just screaming at the world. I have a strong faith in God and know he is with us through this journey but I feel so alone. I don’t want my husband to see anything but positive and upbeat emotions from me. How can I do that? I just stumbled upon this site and decided I needed to speak out, I know this journey is about my husband Mike, so I feel guilty for even thinking of myself at this time.

    gkline replied 10 years, 4 months ago 4 Members · 8 Replies
  • 8 Replies

  • gkline

    Member
    February 26, 2014 at 10:26 pm

    Thanks Doc.
    You are becoming a pretty good cheerleader yourself. Even after all you have been through.
    Best of luck to you.

    George

    Light a man a fire and he is warm for an evening.
    Light a man ON fire and he’s warm forever.

    08/08/08…RC neo bladder
    09/09/09…New Hip
    =
    New Man! [/size]

  • dieseldoc

    Member
    February 26, 2014 at 5:23 pm

    Very well put G

    T1,NO,MO battling bladder cancer since 2005

  • gkline

    Member
    February 26, 2014 at 3:09 pm

    Cheerleader
    Colaborator
    Friend
    Shoulder to lean on
    Nurse
    Doctor
    Sounding board
    Secretary
    Patient
    Therapist
    Team Mate
    Patient….

    The list is endless. Everything that your husband goes through …. You will go through. You are in this just as much as your husband. Maybe even More!
    He gets to feel how he is doing…. You have to guess.
    He gets all the attention….. You never get asked how YOU are
    He knows when he feels better….. You suffer way more.
    He gets to be cancer free. cancer still haunts you even years later.

    Cheerleader is the easy part. Hiding the emotional pain that you go through as the caregiver is so much harder.

    How do I know?
    My wife Audrey, was EVERYTHING to me during my cancer diagnosis, surgeries and recovery, and every Dr. visit for the past 5 years. She was MY TEAM.

    But(an for me it’s a BIG Butt) Ha
    The emotional bond that Audrey and I had, became so much stronger as we went through the Journey. We always had a good relationship…. cancer became the war that cemented our resolve to be a total team. We came out the other side as a force to be reckoned with.

    The prime reason was………… Communication.
    We discussed ….. Everything. And I mean EVERYTHING! I held nothing back. My fears, disgust, victories, and the long road to recovery.
    Even so, three months after I went back to work, she had a short meltdown. She had suffered through our illness as much as me. And after such a long battle, she needed to be selfish for a short time. She deserved it!

    So. Put on your battle dress. Don’t take no for an answer. And let your partner know that this is a team sport. And you are in it together!

    Sounds easy. But it’s hard. Communication will be the key.
    It was for us.

    Sincerely
    George

    Light a man a fire and he is warm for an evening.
    Light a man ON fire and he’s warm forever.

    08/08/08…RC neo bladder
    09/09/09…New Hip
    =
    New Man! [/size]

  • Mspam2yall

    Member
    February 24, 2014 at 11:42 am

    You and Doc are right we are in this as a team. Thanks for reminding me of that. This journey will be as a team with support from people and this site.

  • Mspam2yall

    Member
    February 24, 2014 at 11:40 am

    Thank you doc…reassurance that I’m not in this alone is welcomed with open arms. I have found my place to voice now.

  • dieseldoc

    Member
    February 24, 2014 at 12:03 am

    Anita, I forget some times I live in to country, if I go out and scream no one hears me. And don’t get me started on insurance people. LOL!!
    I didn’t think I was being dramatic at all. Hummm. Sorry!!

    T1,NO,MO battling bladder cancer since 2005

  • dougg

    Member
    February 23, 2014 at 11:35 pm

    Ms. Pam,
    You are part of your husband’s team, a very important member of Mike’s team. What if land is a scary place to go and one that I have been many times. I, too, try to portray only a positive attitude in Doug’s (my husband) bladder cancer experiences. You will get through this; your love for Mike will help you as will your faith in God.

    Prayers are with you,
    Anita

    Doc — I try not to drag the patient down with my drama!! I guess screaming in the streets would be okay as long as the patient isn’t looking out the window. :) I know I’ve cried and screamed at the insurance people (not in the presence of Doug).

    Anita
    Forum Moderator
    Caregiver

  • dieseldoc

    Member
    February 23, 2014 at 11:31 pm

    This is about the both of you! If you want to go out in the street and scream Then who is any one to tell you not to! If you want to come on here and throw a fit than bring it on, and if you want to talk, we can do that to.
    It is nice to be positive and upbeat but you two are a team so don’t hide your emotions from him. Remember his journey is your journey!!!

    T1,NO,MO battling bladder cancer since 2005

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