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Female BC and sexual abuse survivors
Hello,
I am a 40 year old bladder cancer survivor who is also a childhood sexual abuse survivor. I was diagnosed with bladder cancer 9 months ago. I had surgery and then went through 6 weeks of BCG treatments. I have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from the sex abuse, but it had not been bothering me for several years. It wasn’t until after I went through the surgery, treatments, and checkups that I began to have PTSD symptoms again. I am wondering if there are any other women out there who have had similar experiences. If there are please let me know how you have been dealing with it. I am involved in a cancer survivors group and I am seeing a therapist individually as well. I feel alone (have not met anyone with a similar experience) in this right now and am reaching out for help.
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7 Replies
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I also am seeking someone to teach me how to pray. I do not mean how to say The Lords Prayer type prayer, but mean more so that I tend to not ask for things for myself because I feel selfish and unworthy. Well, wake up Iris, right now selfish is one of the resources I need to use the most to get me through this.
Iris,
Hi. I’m a newbie here, myself. My mother has just been diagnosed with BC.Prayer is an awesome tool. It helps us communicate with God. Essentially, it’s a conversation between the two of you. Sometimes, all I can do is say, “Father, help. I need you.” This prayer is becoming more & more frequent lately. (And saying “father” to anyone is indeed a challenge for me as I, too, survived sexual abuse at the hand of my biological father). If you are reluctant about asking for something, you might consider just confessing that you don’t feel worthy of receiving ____________ but if it is His will, please give it to you. God already knows what you want & need.
I’ve gotta go. I’m praying for you!
Joy -
Hello Iris,
I am sorry to hear about your diagnosis and that you are a survivor of sexual abuse as well. I agree with Karen about never truly being cured from the abuse. I am and you are a survivor and sometimes the effects of the abuse seem more in the forefront. I fully expected to experience some sort of post traumatic stress regarding the abuse when I went through the BCG treatments. The vulnerable position you are put in (physicallly) to do something you may not want to do, but have to do if you want to survive, can bring up memories or trigger past feelings about the abuse. I noticed that I did not want to be intimate. I also was feeling ashamed and angry. I am working on these issues in a cancer survivor group and found that I was not the only one who was a survivor of sex abuse as well. Hang in there! You are a remarkable woman who has survived so much. You have a lot of living to still do. If you ever want to talk more about the abuse or the cancer I am here for you.
Take care,
Sean -
Hi Maude & Iris– for both of you– healing is not a direct road, from either the cancer or the abuse, there are many bumps and turns. New traumas reactivate old ones. And just because the symptoms re-emerge, does not mean that all the work you have done has been undone. You are not back at square one. Sometimes those iron manhole covers just explode with the new stressor. But along the way you have gained some tools to put them back, tools you did not have before. Cancer support groups, survivor groups, recognitizing the intrinsically traumatic nature of all the body assaults and betrayals of both cancer and its treatment. Many lessons abot survival along the way– and recognition of all the strengths you have which enabled you to survive. It all takes time, and you will definitely be different on the other side. Many survivors groups have a spiritual aspect– and that is a good beginning. People who have been hurt have to make peace with the fact that somehow, this abuse was permitted to happen, the issue of basic trust in a safe and benevolent and caring world and supreme being — and to figure out how to pray again. Karen
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Maude, I am new to the world of BC. AND a sexual abuse survivor (from age 3 mo to 11 yrs – dear Father was perp) and had severe Genital warts as a child/young adult that were later attributed to perp. Doctors are not ruling the warts/abuse out as a “contributing factor but not necessary cause”. And my PTSD symptoms are roaring again. I am angry that I am having to go back into therapy because “I thought” I was “cured” however, when I combine this info with my belief (and limited understanding) of Chakras, I have to now think that I had simply found ways to think and act “cured” while in reality some of the emotional damage is still there, still working negatively on my psychie.
Everything Wendy said in her paragraph 1 and 2 applies to me.
I quit smoking cigs in Nov 05 (but was still sneaking a butt left behind by family (husb/all children/most friends smoke, cough-cough), am obese by current medical definitions, and really not getting on with anything in life (just kinda bumping along).
I even started saying I “Just” have bladder cancer and was recently busted on that by my BC Care coordinator – minimizing myself again. In talking to care coordinator at our local cancer center (Have you gone to one? ) she pointed out A LOT of the minimizing I did in refering to myself and through listening to her, I realize I was not_done_yet with the affects of sexual abuse.
My family does not want to hear it (the abuse thing, mostly because 2 other sisters were abused by him but do NOT want to deal with it), my husband listens patiently but really does not get it. So, I have been tricking myself into living a life of silence about the one thing in my life that makes me want to SCREAM the most.
So, back into sexual abuse therapy I go. I will find a cancer support group NEXT.
I also am seeking someone to teach me how to pray. I do not mean how to say The Lords Prayer type prayer, but mean more so that I tend to not ask for things for myself because I feel selfish and unworthy. Well, wake up Iris, right now selfish is one of the resources I need to use the most to get me through this.
Well, so, “scientifically”, Maude, I/we may not be able to prove any connection but I know what I know in my heart and I believe it is all connected.
Blessings,
Iris
P.S. I also want to say this—> and need to post it else where to get feedback: I had a metallical “smell” in my nose and could taste a metallic taste in my mouth from Dec 05 to 4/7/06. Tumor was identified 3/27/06 and was 2.5 inches wide. I woke up from TURB on 4/7/06 with the metallic taste being gone for the first time since Dec. 05 and has not returned.
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Thank you so much for your kind words and advice. I will look into groups that are available in my area.
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HI Maude,
I agree with Wendy. As Bessel vander Kolk said– the body remembers and keeps score. He is a trauma specialist at Harvard– a brilliant human being. He has written many helpful articles.You might try a survivors group. There are many in large metro areas and your therapist might be able to help you locate one– also your local women’s shelter might have a group referral resource list. It makes sense that your symptoms emerged again after your cancer threatment, too much happened that re-enacted aspects of your abuse. Abuse survivors who give birth have the same experience of feeling revictimized and retraumatized. I hope that you can regain your body and sense of control over your body again.
Karen -
Hi Maude,
I’m sorry to hear about your experiences and your bladder cancer diagnosis. There is research out there that backs up a connection between childhood sexual abuse and health problems later in life. Much of it can be attributed to coping mechanisms that can cause health risks such as smoking, drinking, drug use and obesity; it’s been shown that smoking acutally helped regulate mood-as other drugs obviously do. Depression and PTSD are common following sexual abuse in childhood, as is the use of mood-regulating substances.
Another obvious risk factor is sexually transmitted diseases, the risks rise with number of partners a person has had. There have been a couple of studies connecting bladder cancer to HVP(Human papilloma virus or genital warts) but nothing conclusive yet. HVP has been proven to be a cause of cervical cancer in women. Maybe there is a connection between women, bladder cancer, HVP and childhood sexual abuse but it has never been looked at as far as I can find out.
I did a google search, a scholar google (scholar.google.com) search and a ‘related articles’ search at PubMed and the best article I found was with Scholar Google. From 1998: http://www.masskids.org/mcsapp/ACE%20study.pdf
“Relation of childhood abuse and Household dysfunction to many of the leading causes of death in adults”I’m sure that part of the problem with identifying a connection is that 1. doctors don’t ask about this kind of history-though they should and 2. women don’t volunteer this history unless asked. The article I referenced says that children exposed to various forms of physical, emotional and sexual abuse have a 4-12 times increased risk of heart disease, cancer, chronic lung disease, skeletal fractures, and liver disease. The study said that the more categories a child was exposed to the more risk factors the person becomes exposed to as well. It makes sense…
There are a few studies that have looked at a connection between SSRIs (antidepressants) and breast cancer, including Paxil and Prozac. Of course there are many more studies about breast cancer than about women and bladder cancer.
I wish you much success with your BCG treatments and hope you find some peace of mind as well as the support you need through your therapy and group.
Wendy
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