I believe that having a bad taste in your mouth from your urologist can certainly contribute to that unease in the diagnosis. My urologist on some days sounds very diligent, almost renegade in his "we're going to stop these recurrences" attitude. Then, some days he just seems to hang his head and say "damn it, you're so damn young (28). I just hope we can stop these recurrences." Overall, I am satisfied with my urologist, and he has helped me with my financial issues (graduate student, no insurance, etc). But, I know that so many things have to happen to get the most precise grading and staging of these things (urologist's removal of tumor from TURBT, pathologist's microscopic readings, etc).
I just had my second TURBT to remove what the pathologist has called yet another "low grade urothelial papillary carcinoma, no evidence of subepithelial invastion." Of course this time I had 4 other "satellite" tumors as my urologist calls them, which were also low grade. We didn't do BCG back in January but we are in about six weeks.
I live in Louisiana, about four or five hours from Houston (MD Anderson), so I am thinking really hard. A friend of mine went there so she knows social workers who can help me. I just don't know.
I think like you do, Alice. I just know things will happen, the dice will roll, and I will just deal with whatever comes my way. The only thing we can do for each other is be here.
Greg