Many times lurking first post

Dear L,

What a horrible story, I'm really sorry to hear it. As Christopher said in the last message, cancer really does weed out the riff-raff when it comes to who is actually on our side after a cancer dx. I was abandoned 'en masse' by my social circle after my breast cancer dx 8 yrs ago, only one true friend remained, plus my husband. I live thousands of miles from my family (left home at 17, have always been a wanderer). Having been in the spotlight all my life as a professional musician it was real wake up call about the reality of those relationships, it hurt so bad and still does, really. I don't miss any of it, or the people anymore, though. Cancer redefines how you look at and live your life.

Without family to rely on, plus an insensitive partner, it must be quite unbearable for you. I hope there is at least one friend that will be there for you when you need a shoulder. Sometimes friends appear out of the most unexpected places. But if you don't reach out it may never appear.

If I were you I'd tell your doctor. Stress and depression are bad for you. Ask for a consult with a social worker in the hospital, or if there is a cancer suppport group you can join. This would be better than nothing, that's for sure.

Where do you live? Maybe we can guide you somewhere for support, in the meantime you have us.

Hugs to you.
Wendy

Heck, my wife of 13 years divorced me within 6 mos of my diagnosis and left me to raise my 2 grade school age kids alone. On the plus side you get to see your friend's and family's true colors. I became very close with my estranged brother during the fist year of my diagnosis, leaned on my parents alot for support and really cemented my relationship with a couple life-long friends.

The cancer experience does have it's positive aspects.. It shows you the true nature of your relationships, gives you an entirely different outlook on life and shows you what is important to you.

Completely changed my life, I am a much more calm person, more emotional and empathetic.

i undertsand your feelings w/ the family situation. i have few aunt and cousins who call me after surgery to check on me . my own father sister and brother dont even check on me. they all dont care i have CANCER. what a huge word. because they say well she deserves it she did it to herself. so, L i know your lonely ness. and sadness. L, if you click on my , or anyones , profile scroll down and you find an option to send a personal message. you are welcome to send me one if you would like to talk. what state do you live in ? smile once for every one here. we care. becky

Good Grief...where are you being treated...I assure you you can do better. Whats your location? Pat

Connie,

Your post reminds me of the birth of my first baby at UNC Hospital in Chapel Hill when I was in the middle of terrible labor pain and I looked up to see about 9 Med Students (good looking, too) staring at me in a place where the sun doesn't shine!! That was a terrible experience.

However, my experience at UNC during my Bladder Cancer biopsy was more in line with Joe's experience at Penn. I felt that I was in very good hands. It was a busy place and I was sometimes left on my own for a bit, but I never had a sense or a feeling of a lack of care. I never saw my Surgeon either, and was wakened by his Assistant (a female) who told me that my bladder looked "great".

My experience at the time was kind of humorous because my Sister and Mother were there with me, and my Sister had experienced a sudden knee joint problem, so I had to wheel her around the hospital. I was supposed to be the sick one!!

Anyway, I'm glad that I made my decision to see the Bladder Cancer Specialist at UNC. It became a great relief of my mind.

Best regards,
Rosemary

I never had one bad experience at Penn and yes they do have residents about 10 are on the Urology team and it is an honor and privilege to make that team because I sat and spoke to a couple of these guys. Dr Schoenberg did his resdency under Dr.Malkowicz and so this is the kind of residents they get at Penn. Dr. Malkowicz said Dr. Schoenberg is a great guy and all these guys get along and know eachother. As far as nursing care each shift I had an RN and a CNA can't beat that. Every morning for the first couple of days a CNA came in and gave me a basin and me wash up and then I got out of bed or took a walk and had fresh linens everyday and this started the next day after my RC. I don't have one bad word to say about the Univ of Penn from the janitor to the chief of the hospital they all treated me with dignity and respect. I had a 2 inch tumor and it was so big it was starting to grow up my ureter and the reason I am here and cancer free so far ( fingers crossed ) is because Dr. Malkowicz is one top surgeon and very down to earth. A surgery of this caliber there is no way in hell they are going to let a resident be in charge of this they may assist but Dr. Malkowicz did my surgery and also did my Indiana Pouch. I'm sorry if you had a bad experience at Univ of Chicago but as I said I got nothing but the best to say for Penn. When I had my Turbt done Dr. Wein did this and he is chief of Urology up there and I know this because I asked him and he has no reason to lie because my tumor was serious where it was located. Hope You Have Better Luck, Joe

pennhealth.com/Wagform/MainPage.aspx?config=provider&P=PP&ID=1398

www.uphs.upenn.edu/surgery/faculty/ajw.html