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Dad won't talk with me

6 years 4 months ago #44799 by autmor
Thank you all. What a supportive community. I will be back. God Bless you all.

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6 years 4 months ago #44781 by Rockyiss
I don't have stage 4 'but I do understand him not wanting to talk about it. That's the way I was. Give him some time and love, just let him know you are there for him' and when it is right for him and you he will probaly talk. Rocky

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6 years 4 months ago #44763 by mmc
He may just need time. Just let him know you love and want to support him and you don't want him to worry about you.

You see, for those of us who have stage IV we worry about our family members and how they will feel or take things. We have to be ready to deal with that once we tell you. Nobody can help feeling it is about them because that is how we see the world...through our own eyes.

I try to be supportive for my wife and daughter and son because for them, while it about me, it is also about them.

Give him time but be sure he gets your message of support. Then stick by it. If he tells you something, don't say, "oh no, what about me? "

Not that you would ever say that but sometimes people behave that way even if they don't say it.

Could be a million reasons that only he would know but could be he just isn't ready yet. Sorry I am babbling. I'm hooked up to my chemo right now and getting really tired but I wanted to check in here at the site.

Good luck to you and your dad!

As was said, let him know there are people here who have been there, done that.

My history is below.

Mike

Age 54
10/31/06 dx CIS (TisG3) non-invasive (at 47)
9/19/08 TURB/TUIP dx Invasive T2G3
10/8/08 RC neobladder(at 49)
2/15/13 T4G3N3M1 distant metastases(at 53)
9/2013 finished chemo -cancer free again
1/2014 ct scan results....distant mets
2/2014 ct result...spread to liver, kidneys, and lymph...
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6 years 4 months ago - 6 years 4 months ago #44760 by CatherineH
(I am reposting my reply here since it didn't move with your post. Sometimes the forum doesn't behave the way we would like it to!)

I am very sorry to hear about your father. As you probably already know, Stage IV means some cancer was found outside the bladder. He is more than likely trying to adjust to this news himself and contemplating whatever treatment his doctor may have recommended. There are folks here going through chemo in similar circumstances. He might just not be ready to talk about it with you... yet.

I wish I had some advice for you other than to just be available for him when he's ready. Hopefully he will soon realize that it can ease his fears and concerns to be able to share them with family, although I'm sure he does not want to worry or scare you. It is a hard thing for a parent to discuss with a child, especially in the beginning.

If he is a person who would visit an online community, please let him know we are here for him, and for you. We have some members here with grown children who perhaps can offer more insight. I'm sure you will hear from them when they find your post.

Best wishes... Catherine
Forum Moderator Team

TURBT 1/21/10 at age 55
Dx: T2aN0M0 Primary Bladder Adenocarcinoma
Partial Cystectomy 2/25/10
Vanderbilt Medical Center
Nashville, TN
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6 years 4 months ago - 6 years 4 months ago #44759 by sara.anne
I moved your post, here, to "metastatic" where the people who are more familiar with your problems will be likely to see it.

Catherine's advice was spot-on....Your dad probably needs to process all that he is being bombarded with...before he will be ready to share. It is wonderful that you are there, waiting for him.

Sara Anne

Diagnosis 2-08 Small papillary TCC; CIS
BCG; BCG maintenance
Vice-President, American Bladder Cancer Society
Forum Moderator
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6 years 4 months ago #44757 by autmor
My father just had radical bladder removal 3 weeks ago. He won't talk about his follow up visit with his oncologist. Feeling really confused. Why is he acting like I shouldn't be worried? He is stageIV. That's all I know. How can I get him to let me be involved? I'm 38years old. Sad in Saco :(

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