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A day of mixed emotions

11 years 6 months ago #15089 by mssmr
Julieann -- I like what Julie says: Let your mama know you'll be there to listen to any of her concerns. -- Thanks, Julie -- Susan

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11 years 6 months ago #15087 by Julie
I think when your Mom is ready to talk she will talk with you. The best you can do is to let her know you are available to listen to any of her concerns. I know people differ in how they process the idea that their cancer is terminal. For instance for now my husband does not want to talk about anything else other than survival. He is working on rehab after the last hospitalization. We took a short walk last night and he did not have to stop and rest once. We were really pleased with how well he did.

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11 years 6 months ago #15085 by julieann
Thanks Susan. It is differnt in that Mama is very aware of her prognosis. The day she got the prognosis, we did talk about it some and I cried and she consoled me. I'm sure that she is holding back some in order to protect us. I guess you're right about just asking her, but what do I say? I know it may sound dumb, but I really don't know how to bring it up. It isn't like we aren't close, we are very close, but this is all new. Any further advice is welcome. Like I said, we are in very different roles of this cancer.

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11 years 6 months ago #15075 by mssmr
Julieann -- I do not know you or your mama, of course, but have you considered this possibility? Is you mama being strong for all of those she loves and not addressing
her feelings (or how she's feeling) because people do not ask except in the way you mention? When my mother was living with cancer, she asked us a lot of questions and really wanted to share things. The problem we had is that my father forbade us
all to "tell her" the dire prognosis that the doctor shared with my father and my
father shared with us but not her. If I had to do it over agin, I'd have answered her questions honestly but as lovingly and gently as possible. Your situation and your mama's is clearly different, but I have trouble understanding how trying one time honestly to inquire about her feelings and how she's feeling would "hurt her too much." If she changes the subject or just says "I'm fine" that may indicate that she doesn't want to focus on her cancer but her life. If none of this makes any sense for you and your family, please just ignore it and trust yourself --

Susan

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11 years 6 months ago #15050 by Gene Beane
Julieanne, you have a wonderful mama, she still thinks of others and not herself,she is a gift, and you are a gift to her as well, I am so glad you have had great moments with her as of late, the party and Easter,,,relish it all and have faith,, she is blessed to have you,,, Ginger

Hospital Cleveland Clinic r/c Sept.14,2007
Surgeon. Dr Stephen Campbell and Gill
Gene Beane..66 Ford Motor Company
Engineer, retired Vietnam Vet

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11 years 6 months ago #15000 by julieann
Thank you all for the support.
Karen and Susan-- I know that we all wish we could make our situations better or even go away, but we can't. That is why this site is so wonderful. We all have our different situations and they are all unique. Karen, while the thought of losing my mother is heartbreaking, I think of you and how horrible the thought of losing my husband and my childrens' father would be. I can't imagine how that must feel. Susan, I also can't even begin to imagine the feeling of being in your shoes. It is so good to be able to hear from another perspective. It helps me better understand how Mama may be feeling. I haven't really sat and talked with her about the inevitable. We all just smile and laugh etc, while I know it is looming in everyone's mind. I want to talk with her about it but don't know if it is too hurtful for her. I mean we say, "how are you feeling" and such but nothing more. Thanks to all for the words of support and wisdom.

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