Not sure how much help I can be but I do know exactly how you feel. I had a tumor removed on Feb 1st. Doctor did say that it was large.
The path report came back on the 9th but before it did I had myself with one foot in the grave. I was very wrong. The report was better than I had hoped for. Everyone kept telling me that I needed to wait for the report because the mind is a dangerous place when you don't have all the facts. I got through it with this group and by telling myself that I am not dead yet and that I needed to live for today and that tomorrow always takes care of itself.I started believing that I am here today and that no matter what, however the report came back, that there was a fix and I can go on. You too can go on. I read your post. You are still here and you will be here tomorrow and in life even before cancer that is the best we can all hope for. Life does have expiration dates that are unknown to us. Forget you have one. Take a deep breath. The sun will come up tomorrow for you. Stay with this group. There is allot of help here from some great folks. Try not to stress. Get the path report first. I am here and so are allot of other folks who were where you are now. Give tomorrow a chance you might be surprised.