Hi Susant,
Your emotions about your latest news mirror mine. I really had a hard time dealing with facing another turb after 2 years of 3 turbs, 9 BCG treatments and many cystos.
I also began to question the constant need for general anesthesia for my very tiny tumor or polyp. I got my medical records and found that I had had no biopsy of the previous "tiny tumors". They had been "burned away". I do not doubt that they were there, I just could not face yet another round of something I suddenly saw as unecessarily invasive.
I do not know if my feelings were merely a denial of BCG failure (and I do not know if it has failed really) or just anger at the doctor who was supposed to "save me".
I urge you to request your medical records, review them and get another doctor's opinion. You may have all the faith you can have in your doctor. You may be just feeling those emotions of anger and denial. Sometimes just hearing your diagnosis explained again can help.
Our forum is the place to lay it out and help the thinking process. People who are going through the same procedures can guide and calm you. You can step back and take a deep breath before going on. With BC it is really hard to keep on doing what seems like a losing plan over and over, and getting the same results.
