I have been so proud of myself for the way that I have handled my diagnosis (CIS, four weeks into BCG) but today I hit bottom. For no particular reason, started crying and can't stop. Please forgive me for bothering you dear friends, but I just need to vent.
Try to stay optimistic....and the things I read on this list are a big help...knowing that others have been here before me and are doing well. And drawing on the courage of those who are having problems worse than mine. BUT....
Have probably read everything on the internet about bladder cancer. Sometimes it seems hopeful, but today, as I said, everything looks black. I know about statistics and I know that they do not describe individuals. But just read that a. BCG doesn't work as well after age 70 (I was 70 and two weeks when we started) and b. that BC doesn't have as good a prognosis in women as in men. I KNOW....BUT EVERYTHING JUST HIT ME WRONG TODAY.
Thanks for letting me vent. Tomorrow will be better, I know.
Diagnosis 2-08 Small papillary TCC; CIS
BCG; BCG maintenance
Vice-President, American Bladder Cancer Society
Its ok to hit bottom...you've got a place to bounce up from! You're doing what a lot of us did after diagnosis...read everything that you can find on blc......to much information...much will not really apply to you. Every case is different in some way.......statistics don't mean a thing as they take into account the really bad doctors and really bad institutions....The BCG does not work as well in the older adult as our immune systems aren't as responsive as they were in our youth..but then on the other hand sometimes the younger blc patients get a virulent strain of this cancer and it just romps through their body. So no big deal...if the BCG does not produce the result you want you have options still and as anyone who is on here with a neobladder or Indiana Pouch or ilial conduit will tell you....Big Deal..who needs a bladder anyway...its definately over-rated.
But its ok to feel blue and to cry...we'v all had our days. I'd burst into "The Sun will come out tomorrow".....but maybe thats overkill huh?.........Quit reading that stuff for a while...go pick up the National Enquirer and check out Brittneys latest car wreck or who Lindsey is sleeping with.
Feel better...you have lots of friends here who will help you over the humps...
It is hard to live with uncertainty and bladder cancer forces us to never have complete answers. It calls on all our coping skills and we have to learn new ones because we haven't been here before. Crying is important. I think we would be surprised if people didn't cry. You have lost your former life and you don't know what comes next. Even after you complete the BCG is will be some weeks before a cystoscopy to check on effectiveness. Don't try to stop crying your body will stop when it is ready.
I can say after my husband has lived with CIS since 2000 that we have met many people who go on after BCG to do well and go several years without a sign of CIS during their regular cystoscopy.
Things may look black but at worst they are gray. Maybe it's fair to partly cloudy and not the deep black of a night without stars. Perhaps our goal is to be realistic not optimistic or pessimistic.
I send hugs. Julie
Hopefully just a bad day we all have them and they come and go. Sometimes you can over read too much material on the net and I don't believe in all this statistic stuff as we are all different and anything is possible. Joe