If your sister is having a third drug, then it's an experimental combination, a clinical trial? If not, Gemzar and cisplatin are the standard two drugs given these days for TCC. Perhaps the third drug could be skipped, making the regimen more tolerable.
It seems like your sister is hoping for remission and not prepared to give up. She can certainly get some time. You didn't mention where the spread is, and I assume she did not have surgery.
I understand the frustration she must feel regarding the lack of resources for women with bladder cancer, but WebCafe has a special section, put together by women (mostly), both fighters and caregivers, discussing the hard parts of what they are facing.
Perhaps the stories are too cruel and "real", if your sister is in fighting mode, but if you are curious about how blc can play out, there is sharing there.
blcwebcafe.org/voices.asp